Pink Moss: January 2012

January 27, 2012

Help Me Grow (Utah)

Utah State Capital

I have been on a mad dash the past few days. The "Help Me Grow" Utah team, have been hard at work. When today ends, we will have completed a long list of goals, such as:

Take the "Help Me Grow" national team (Dr.Paul Dworkin, Elsa, and Johanna) to tour the L.D.S. Humanitarian building.

Take them to a reception at "The Alta Club", hosted by "Voices for Utah's Children". In attendance were many amazing people, including Utah's first lady (Herbert).

Have Dr. Dworkin speak at IHC's "Grand Rounds" to many physicians about "Help Me Grow" to educate them about our system and our goals to go state wide with their endorsement and help.

Let them tour "United Way" of Utah County, to see our data base of community resources for help me grow and the "211" info line for parents to call in to.

Meet at the Utah State capital with Speaker of the House, Becky Lockhart to educate her about our endeavors to go state wide, and afterward meet with Salt Lake Cities United Way to try and get them to team up with us.

Meet with the "Partners for Infants and Children" at the Health Department to join forces with all children's non-profit groups.

take the "Help Me Grow" national team to a family event that the local team put on at the "Kids Who Count" facility in Salem, Utah.

Somehow fit in two very amazing dinners at "the chef's table" in Provo, and at the restaurant at "Hotel Monaco".

AND TODAY...

Hosting a networking breakfast at "Scenic view", and a networking lunch at "The Blue Lemon" for "Woman in Philanthropy" with the "Help Me Grow" national team.

Host a dinner at La Jolla Groves" for a wrap up event of their stay and to say good bye.

My kids have been so patient and helpful as Jon and I, and Barbara push full steam ahead to try and link as many families, physicians, and community resources as possible through "Help Me Grow" Utah.

AND THEN PARTY with my sister for her Birthday tonight in Salt Lake. She is renting a hotel for many friends to come celebrate!

So far, it has been a raging success!!! If you want any info about "Help Me Grow" in your area, let me know!! Also, if you have been wondering why I haven't been answering my phone...I have been a tad busy :) Have a great weekend!

*OH, and I forgot to let you know that IF all go as planned, Jon and I will be partying with Kirstie Alley, Heidi, her husband, and Fox tomorrow at the Sundance Film Festival. I'll let you know!

January 25, 2012

Presidential Perfect

I woke up this morning to find the funniest diorama I've seen yet! My kids crack me up.

January 24, 2012

Diagnostic Testing?!

Why do I feel so scared? Why do I feel like I have always known something was wrong? Why do I feel like I would have to record my journey somehow, like it will help people? Am I crazy?

"Hello?"
"Hi, it's Dr. Staheli's office."
"Hi."

I had been waiting for the results and had called the office twice already wondering what they were.
She paused for a minute, and then said.

"The doctor took a look at the pictures and there are some area's of questioning, so he want to you into an ultrasound and some diagnostic testing."

"ok"

What else do I say?
"Thanks..., bye."

I hung up and called Jon. He kept a level head, but I could tell he was worried. I kept it short so I didn't break down on the phone while he was in a meeting. Then Tiff called, and I lost it. I was sobbing. I don't even remember quite what I said to her.

So here I am. I run to my blog, because that is where I have recorded so many of my thoughts over the past few years. It seems easier somehow, writing it down and not talking to a real person. Are you real? Are people that read my blog real? Somehow you aren't.

whitney just walked in and asked why I am tearing up.
"because I just found out my friend's daughter has cancer." I said, after multiple attempts to say "nothing" is wrong. My statement was true, but only part of the whole.

I am never alone with my thoughts. It's hard to write anything too meaningful when I am interrupted at every turn. Someday, I will have a chance to write.

or will i?

Then I notice whitney is talking to me. What is she saying? I can't hear her, but I see her movement somehow in front of me. What would I do if I got cancer? How would I be a strong mom? How would jon survive? Would he?

"Mom, MOM are you listening to me? Can you help me??"
"what?"

We took the family to the movie, "We bought a Zoo" a few days ago and I cried almost the whole movie. Jon teared up, but held it together more than I did. I could never leave my daughters. I wouldn't. The thought of watching them grow from another realm is unacceptable.

Why am I typing this now? It almost makes it worse to think about it too much. I guess I have to write it somewhere.

and then I look up this to see what diagnostic testing is:

Diagnostic tests: Diagnostic tests (such as biopsy) are given to people who are suspected of having breast cancer, either because of symptoms they may be experiencing or a screening test result. These tests are used to determine whether or not breast cancer is present and, if so, whether or not it has traveled outside the breast. Diagnostic tests also are used to gather more information about the cancer to guide decisions about treatment.

That sure didn't help. They have to know that I am freaking out. AND it seems almost to perfectly scary that I named my running group "Team Pink" just a few days ago. Isn't this the cancer color. Yes, i am sure it is. Never, I repeat NEVER read on the Internet about symptoms. It has done nothing but mess me up in the mind this past year.

*******************************
These were my harsh thoughts last week when I was faced with the possibility of breast cancer. I didn't tell hardly anyone what I was facing, because I don't like it when people worry about me. The people that happened to run into my space that day, and could tell something was up with me...heard. My sister in law Tiffany, and a few people that I saw the day I was waiting for the test results.

My Parents, My sister...my kids.... I didn't tell people that I knew would be just as freaked out as I was. How can I comfort them when I can't even control myself? I am always a protector. For good, for bad, an eternal guardian. Sometimes to my detriment. The hardest times in my life were endured alone. Jon and I facing the world together, yet alone.

Luckily after many tests ran on Friday, I found out I am cancer free. :)

Why did I freak out so bad? Probably because neighbors on both sides of me lost a spouse, we just found out our friends daughter has cancer, my neighbor across the street battled cancer. I hear about it all the time.

Why not me?

The tests showed that I only had a cyst, but nothing I have to get surgically removed unless it grows and causes pain. Right now it is only a few millimeters. My heart goes out to the mommies that are sick, I mean really sick. How do they lead their small children every day knowing that they may not be there in a few months or years?

I can't think of anything worse.

I had something removed once before when I was 19. They ran tests, and it all checked out okay..but I am just a little more cautious now when it comes to cancer.

*******************

So we move on to a new week.

My mirena continues to drive me crazy. I feel like I am crazy. I had the depro vera shot once, and it kind of felt the same way as this. Soon all of my testing of my hormones will be done, and I can get it out. I don't know what is worse..? Bleeding to death or out of control unnatural hormones raging inside of me. I have high hopes for my new Doctor Jones.

The remainder of this week, I will be helping Barbara Leavitt with "Help Me Grow". Dr. Dworkin
(the one that developed the system to connect children with community resources) is flying into town tomorrow. We are scheduled to spend Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, showing him around Salt Lake City. We are visiting the hospital so he can speak to the IHC doctors, meeting the speaker of the house at the state capital, meeting with the first lady about the program, touring the United Way in Utah county, taking him to dinner, and touring other facilities that we thought he would be interested in seeing.

It will be interesting and busy. Too bad Barbara tore something in her knee yesterday. She let me know last night that I may be the one presenting Dr. Dworkin and his colleges at the meetings he will speaking at. I am pretty comfortable in front of people, but this seems a bit over my head. Hopefully Jon will be able to get Barbara to everything in her wheel chair, so she can proceed with the plan that has been set in place for over a year! Otherwise, I will do my best. ...lol....

******************

Are you exercising? Are you running? I am doing my best. I wish my best was better right now, but it is what it is. I feel so tired, and it makes sense now that I know my thyroid isn't working right. Tired and my life, just don't go well together. I want to be an example of energy, enthusiasm, and service to my children.

I guess what Handsome's Nana wrote me in an email is true. "You my dear may feel week, but please know that feeling week is a way of saying that you are also strong. I think that if you never have the feeling of week then you have never taken charge of being strong"

Thanks Nana for your words.
So I am off to work on feeling strong again. My chin is up, I'm headed for my running clothes and I'm going to get my miles put in for the day!

Keep on Keeping on!

***********************

Stay tune for pictures of Christmas! Yes, I still plan on posting them, just a bit behind. Hopefully by this weekend I can get r' done!

January 19, 2012

Just A Beaver

A few months back, Jon brought me home a shirt and a hat from a road trip he went on.

It looked like this:

"Jon, why did you get me that shirt?"

"Because, I thought you would like it." with a smirk on his face.

"WHY would I wear that?"

"Well, because I thought you would think it was funny."

"hmmmm. ok...? You are so weird"

The hat and shirt have sat in my closet now for over a month. It wasn't until last week that I was listening to my Christmas music and Jon piped up and said...

"Why haven't you ever worn that "I Love Beaver shirt?

You listen to his music ALL the time!"

"That's BEIBER honey. NOT BEAVER."

Who is the real blonde here anyway?!

January 18, 2012

Team Pink: Day 9

ok ok,
So I've learned over the past several days that I am not only a social eater, but I have also become an emotional eater. I think this is one of the ways I have copped with the stress of the past year. I have been pretty stressed out waiting for my doctor's visits, and most of my personal control has gone out the window.

I finally made it to the Doctor's office yesterday. Can I just try and tell you how much relief it brought me. I have felt like I am crazy. I have felt helpless, and hopeless. It was so nice to meet a man that GOT it. It's no wonder he is such a busy guy. He was great at listening to my concerns, and could explain what was going on.

He had me fill out a packet of questions before I came to the office. The first thing he addressed was the fact that I was on the Mirena. Can I just say that after I heard him explain the side effects of the Mirena, I wanted to find the person that developed it and kill them? Ok, I am being a little harsh. I guess the hormone IUD, works well for about 35% of the people that try it. It lessens their period, or stops it all together (which is the reason I tried it). But, for the remaining 65%, it causes on an average of 15-20 pounds of weight gain. Hmmmm, go figure!! The reason this happens is because it stops your thyroid from working. It slows it down to the point that you gain weight. Combine this with the fact that depression makes you (me) want to eat more, and you are just messed up all together. He said in Europe they think we are crazy for putting the Mirena in our bodies for that reason. They use the copper IUD because there are no hormones. Because there are no hormones in the IUD, nobody can patent in and make money. BUT, in the Mirena they can. People are making a killing on it.

I wanted to run out of the office in that minute and get it removed, but I have to wait.

Second problem? He says that my hormones were out of balance before I got the IUD, and that is why I was having such a long period. Too low of Progesterone causes fibroids (that also cause bleeding). Excessive bleeding causes anemia (which I have also dealt with). When I told him I was at a "3" he said that was almost dead. It's no wonder I have felt so tired. Low iron causes exactly what I figured from my reading. "Restless Leg Syndrome" which I have BAD, shortness of breath, fatigue...etc.
HERE is a link to a lot more side effects of Low Progesterone. I encourage you to check it out! I can't wait to get hep with more than one of these symptoms!

Estrogen levels are also something that needed to be looked at. Here is some info on that. I will soon be headed to the dr. to get my blood tested, but first he wants me to also test my urine for acidity levels and he ordered me to "eat as many carbs as you can for three days, and then get your blood tested."

"what?!"

He is asking me to eat all the breads, pastas, and cereals I can eat? When I heard that, I thought he was crazy until I realized that he was testing me for a wheat intolerance. So, I am sure I will gain more weight before I drop it, because he won't let me get out the IUD yet either. He is trying to find out all the levels before we start changing things. I guess I need to look forward to the time that I start dropping.

I went to the gym today and got a heck of a work out. But I feel frustrated knowing that my body won't be able to utilize it as it would have before. He said that after I get my hormone levels evened out, I will not only drop the weight, but will be able to keep it off. Well, enough of that today...I am off to eat as many carbs as I can...haha Doctor's orders!!

Oh, and here is a picture of me at the gym today. I had to get a spray tan, because I am pretty white in the winter time.

Source: beautifulday4running.tumblr.com via Janae on Pinterest

Oh, and he said that the TWO worst foods that are from the DEVIL that none of us should eat EVER are: (my two favorites)

FRENCH FRIES and SODA POP. OK, of course I knew this, but I didn't realize how bad it was! He said french fries are basically sugar dipped in oil. (carbs=sugar) you know. Also he said that something like 70% of kids only get potato's for veggies each week. That is scary. No wonder we are all fat and getting cancer. I'll keep you updated, but in the mean time I'll be running tests.

When we were on the way to the Dr. yesterday, all the kids were in the car waiting for me because we were on our way up to my parent's house for my sister in law's birthday party. They were starving,
(or so they said) so, and begged for chicken nuggets from Carl's Junior.

*Yes, I am telling this story RIGHT after I told you how bad children are getting fed*
We pulled up to the microphone and I was distracted, thinking of the upcoming Dr. visit.

"Yes, Carl's Juniors, Can I help you?"
"Um yep, I was wondering how many nuggets you have?"
"Ummm in the combo meals?"

I heard him laugh in the microphone, and then I realized how bad it sounded. I tried to act cool, and didn't break. He may interpret this in the wrong way, but that's not how I meant it.

"Um yes, in the combo meals."
"Well there is a 6 piece, a 9 piece, a 12 piece, and a 20 piece."
"Great, and what size is your package?"

oh crap....I couldn't hold it in any more. I really didn't mean to sound so grotesque. I also knew at this point that Kinley was trying to hold in a laugh and I couldn't restrain any more. I turned to Kinley and said,

"I DIDN'T mean to say it THAT way! I didn't!!"
and then she laughed, and I died laughing... and much to my dismay, Whitney and Brighton even had horrified looks on their precious little faces.

What do I say?
The hormone doctor did say that my memory is affected by out of whack hormones. Does making an idiot out of myself count as well?

January 16, 2012

Team Pink: Day 4, 5, 6, 7

Well Well
Here I am after my first week of TRYING to focus on changing my bad habits. Today is Monday, and as usual, I am ready to start the week off healthy. But let me just tell you how big of a loooooser I was this weekend! I did great until Jon and I went out to dinner on Friday night. We went with some friends that have been trying to catch up with us since before the holidays named Shannon and Will. Before we left, I asked where she wanted to eat. She is pregnant, and in my book the pregnant lady gets to pick.

To my utter excitement, she chose one of my favorites!

Carraba's.

mmmmmmmmmm... My baby Halle Bug was made out of Carraba's! It's an Italian grill with the yummiest breads, grilled meats, salad and veggies. Sounds pretty harmless right?! So I told her.

"Sounds like a great pick! But, I can't eat the bread."
"Why?"
"Self induced torture."

And she understood. She is pregnant with her 6th baby (5 girls and one boy if this is a girl) and she knows how it is to lose weight after a baby. So, I ordered things that were ok for me, and then Jon pulled a typical Jon. He ordered some deserts. He knew I didn't want any, so he didn't get me one but it was big enough to feed a small village.

So I did eat the forbidden fruit.

The problem wasn't so much that I took a few bites, the problem was that once I get knocked off the horse, I tend to check out for the whole weekend. And that is exactly what happened. How embarrassing that I have to type this. But, I guess it helps me to identify my triggers. I am for sure a "social eater". Food is supposed to be fun, and I find ways of having too much fun.

So here I am, standing before you feeling like a failure. But, I am going to press on. After a call from my darling brother Dave a few days ago, I am officially looking for a 5K for Team Pink Moss to run/walk in the Spring. He let me know that he and his wife Emmy were on board, and would proudly wear a shirt!

"If you want Dave, I can get a different color of shirt and write "Team Pink" on it?"
"Nope! I would love to wear PINK!"

He was actually leaving for a run when he called because he read my blog post last week! He has wanted to get going again anyway. He has struggled with type 1 diabetes his whole life, and has become extremely frustrated with trying to run, and keep his blood sugar up. He has to eat or drink calories so he can run, only to try and burn the same calories.

I can only imagine his frustration.

SO, if you want to JOIN in finding a 5K to work for, even if you live across the world... let me know, and I'll list you as being an official Team Pink Member. I would love to have you send in pictures of your journey, weight loss success or where you are now, and what race you are working toward!

Together we can help each other get healthy!!

I haven't eaten or exercised let today, but I'll let you know how it goes! I visit with the hormone Dr. tomorrow, and get my first mammogram on Wednesday. I must be getting old. I probably wouldn't be going yet, but I have had some pain. Does a mamogram hurt? What do they do?

Oh boy....the joys of womanhood!

xoxo

Source: strawberrie-heart.tumblr.com via Janae on Pinterest

January 14, 2012

love this

Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path, unless you are in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. Then by all means, you should follow that. ~ Ellen DeGeneres

January 13, 2012

Team Pink: Day 3

I woke up today pretty sore, but feeling good to have been moving.
I got the kids ready, dressed myself and loaded all six of us into the car. I dropped off four of them at school and took Handsome to Grandma Moss' house, so I could exercise at Exel Fitness. It's a boot camp style workout with stations with weights, and things to kick your butt like lunges. It hurt, but it was a good kind of hurt. There were a lot of ladies there, ready to start the new year off right. I knew Matt was wondering if I was in better spirits than Wednesday, and eventually he asked.

"How are you doing?"
"Good." and I managed a smile, because I really did feel better than the last time I saw him.
"I am just proud of you for being here!" he said
"Me too." I agreed.

Source: Uploaded by user via Janae on Pinterest

At the end of the work out, Mat reminded us that we need to write down our "10 whys". He wants us to find our driving force behind trying to get into shape. He says, just wanting to loose 10 pounds isn't a strong enough passion to take you long term. So, I'm going to write mine.

1. I am a girl with big goals, dreams, and plans. In order to accomplish these things, I need to feel comfortable in my own skin.

2. I want to get to the point where I can help others do the same thing (change) whether it be in physical, mental, life goals, or spiritual health.

3. I am happier when I can focus on helping others, and when I feel depressed, I am not as effective. I focus way too much on myself when I am feeling self conscious...obviously :)

4. I need to be an example of health to my children. I used to worry that if I talked about health to my girls, I would give them a complex and cause more damage. Now I know that it is important to talk about health, and help them understand it isn't a weight. Health is a way of life. I want boundless energy now, and as I get older to play with them...and my grand kids...and my great grand kids!

5. I love feeling strong. Strong enough to water ski as long as I want (like my mom). Strong enough to hike for endless miles, and even be able to run through fields of grass at the very top when I am finished. Strong enough to run without feeling winded, and bike to Jackson Hole Wyoming.
I don't want to feel restricted in my adventures.

6. I have more patients with others when I am not eating myself alive with degrading comments all the time. My job as a mother is to build, to give, and love. If I love myself, I have an easier time loving others.

7. Nothing compares to walking around naked, and feeling totally uninhibited. Yes, I have been there.

8. I know if I can learn discipline with my health, it will roll over into the rest of my life.

9. I know that my stress levels will be affected in a good way by regular exercise and eating right. I love feeling calm and sleeping well at night, knowing I have put in a hard days work and will wake up better for it the next day.

10. I want to motivate other mothers to do the same thing. If they desire to share my journey and take it with me, it will make me happy knowing I am sharing my struggle for a reason.

Today I have eaten only lean meats, veggies, and lots of water.
I would love to hear how you are doing if you want to share! And in echoing my trainer Mat today, "You are stronger than you think. You can do amazing things if you don't talk yourself out of it."
I couldn't help be add, "and in life in general.. Women are so naturally hard on themselves.

WE ARE stronger than we believe.

WE NEED to stop being our own worst enemy.

Love yourself.

Change your life, and the lives of others.

Have a great weekend! And, feel free to share your journey me one day at a time by posting your comments, your frustrations, and your achievements!

Team Pink: Day 2

The day after I wrote my last post (yesterday)
I was embarrassed. I was half laughing, and half mortified that I had posted such raw emotions. First off, don't worry. I haven't jumped off a lone cliff somewhere to my utter destruction, but I did wake myself up. Somehow admitting out loud that I was struggling, was empowering. Seeing the pain that I was in as I reread it, I wanted to fix this problem.

Source: chasingkristina.tumblr.com via Janae on Pinterest

I exercised for an hour, and only ate lean meats, veggies, and lots of water. I am determined to get back control. I had several very sweet emails that helped me pick myself back up. Thanks for being my strength when I was weak. I teared up as I read each one. Thank you for taking the time, to build.

One of the emails I received was from a friend that lives in my neighborhood. (Leanne). She said that after she had read my blog post, she really wanted to talk to me because she has lived a lot of what I am going through. She understood. She asked if I would call when I had a minute. So last night, I gave her a call.... and couldn't believe my ears! She truly GOT it. She had been there and weathered the storm. She actually visited the same doctor that I am set up to see on Tuesday, and had a lot of advice.

Oh, and I added a new weight loss gadget on my site to track my progress!
Here we go!

January 11, 2012

This is me, standing in front of the mirror

After I write this blog post today, I may need to take a break from Pink Moss
Or at least change how I use it right now. You see, I am defeated. I feel like I have lost control of my physical body, and therefore it's having an affect on everything I do and love. It makes me hurt to even say this out loud, to everyone, but here I am, standing naked in front of the mirror.

Over the past year and a half, I have had physical issues with my body that have made it hard to function properly. If you have read my blog over the course of how ever long, you know that I have had ongoing periods, that have lasted for as long as 8 months. Periods so heavy, that it's a miracle I didn't bleed to death. I came as close to it as possible, with my iron levels so low that I couldn't breathe anymore. When I went to the doctor, I didn't know the two were related...but come to find out, if you iron is really low, it affects your bodies ability to absorb the oxygen you are breathing in. (along with many other horrible things) They had me tested and found out that one of the levels were at a 3, when it should be above 50.

For obvious reasons, I was tired.

Being tired, and being a mother don't go well together. Especially when I love being a very active mother. Combine this with the fact that Handsome would not leave my side for about a year. It was really hard to exercise, even on my treadmill because he would cry the whole time and try to get on it with me. I couldn't wake up early before he did, because I never know what time of night he will wake up, because it was always different. And he would go searching for me.

Out of exhaustion, I would eat foods that I felt would give me energy. Unfortunately, I believe I craved carbs for this reason. And then because I was home bound, it was too easy to fill my free time eating "fun foods". Combine that with my increasing depression and the hormones they started pumping me full of to stop my periods, and I was a mess.

I am a mess.

I feel completely out of control, and even though I am exercising now and watching more carefully what I eat, I continue to gain weight at the same pace that I did every time I was pregnant. Each baby I gained 50 pounds. After each birth, I lost 50 pounds. Every time. I have never gained weight without being pregnant, other than maybe fluctuating 5 pounds up and down during different times of the month.

Now, I sit at a ~~healthy~~ unhealthy 30 pounds over my normal comfortable weight. I'm not even saying my very lowest, I am talking my normal between and after my last baby. So the issue now is, what is causing me to be so unstable physically? I am sure it is a combination of several things including my physical issues, which they found out are fibroid causing my heavy and long periods, and mental, because I am increasingly feeling depressed.

Problem is, what caused the fibroids? Some say it is from a hormonal imbalance. SO, I have an appointment with a hormonal specialist next week. I pray he can help me figure out my problem. I am on the iud (with hormones) to try and stop my period (which it finally did after a month), but ever since I got the iud, I am have gained a steady 2 pounds a week, without eating anything different or horrible.

So here is the thing. I woke up today feeling utterly and completely crushed. This, is not me. I have always loved to be active, happy, and positive. I am usually the one picking up someone else when they are down or discouraged. I am not used to the role, feeling so weak. I went to my boot camp class again today, and even my friend/trainer Mat, could tell something was wrong. I had cried all the way to the gym and was doing everything I could to hold it together during the workout. He is always so good at encouraging everyone there, he has a positive attitude and makes all the ladies feel comfortable as they struggle in their bodies to achieve their goals. When he said,

"Good to see you Shmo!" I smiled. I tried to act like I was OK. Later when he said, "I'm proud of you for coming..." I looked at him and teared up, and said, "I can't talk to you today.."

Come on, you women know how it feels when someone sees your struggle, and they address it. Out of very good intention and care, they are almost making it worse. Aren't we women frustrating like that? We want to know that people care about us, but when they ask the worst question ever...

"Are you ok?"

it cuts to the core. I felt like a balloon that was blown up too tight. My skin feels stretched, my emotions feel stretched, almost to the point of popping. Maybe that is just it. My emotions have expanded so extremely well inside, I am bursting. I am at capacity. Maybe it's that I need to pop. Maybe the crying releases a tiny bit of air each time.

Well, if there were ever a pop, it was today.

This may seem traumatic, but I have to focus. I can't let myself be distracted by all the things I want to do in life, because right now I am not taking care of me. Some might say, "You just want to be skinny." believe me, this is way beyond that. I know how it feels to have control of my physical/mental body, and I know what it feels like NOT to have control. Everything feels different. I have more energy, I am more active, and guess what? I don't think about weight when it is in control. I know there are those of you out there that will look at my picture and say, "You look just fine, what are you complaining about?" But you have to realize, I am comparing me, to me. I think we all have a benchmark of where we know we should be. We can't compare ourselves to others, because we aren't others.

We are We :)

SO, for now, I guess what I am saying is that my blog for now is set to the side. (as it is) My full energy is going to be devoted to my health. A lot of times, the time I have to write on my blog, is the same time I would have been exercising. I am going to take a break from journaling my family stuff, and anything else in my life that distracts me, and use this blog as an exercise journal and eating journal. Feel free to take the journey with me. Or, feel free to take a break from Pink Moss and find entertainment somewhere else. There are a lot of great blogs out there, and honestly I don't know why I try so hard to write on it. I guess because I feel like it is something that I am semi-good at. It is a release for me. But I need a break from the pressure it gives me to log everything. Who knows, maybe there will be something I really want to share..maybe I am being overly dramatic today, it is completely possible. Remember, my hormones ARE out of wack :)

Just stick around for the ride if you feel like it. As I try to post my workouts each night, I would LOVE to have you post what you ate and did for exercise that day too. It will keep my focused and happy that we can do it together. Who knows, maybe we can all train for a half marathon or something. Team: Pink Moss!! For now, I have to take one day at a time.

Consider this blog post, my Day 1.
I didn't edit this post on purpose. If I edit it, it may all be gone...and I feel like I need to take this journey. Don't judge :) But I'd love to have you take this challenge with me. Whatever your challenge for yourself would be.

January 10, 2012

Disney Land Photo Shoot: Sneak Peek!

Just a sneak peek at one of the darling pictures my Mandy/cousin/friend/forever love, sent from the pictures she took in Disney Land! (She is for hire in the California Area) I am so excited to see them all! She is so very talented. This morning was pretty chaotic, to say the least. Everyone but Whitney, Syd, Scott, and myself were VERY sick. Halle had been to an insta-care (emergency doctor visit) in California the night before! Mandy visited us just in time to load her up screaming into the car. She had been crying and holding her ears for about an hour before that. I entered the coordinates into my GPS on my phone and found the little clinic that would be closing in an hour! We were so lucky to get some antibiotics for her very sad infected ears.

The morning of this picture, we had to get up at 5:30 a.m. to get everyone ready and into the park by 7:00. This was our goal anyway because at 8:00, the public was being let into the park and there would be slim to no chance of getting a picture without other people we didn't know in it. We made it in by 7:30 and did our very best to hurry and get a few pictures. Between every picture the littles' laid down in the stroller because they were so sick.

Thank you Mandy, for being workable and so talented. Taking beautiful family pictures in Disney Land on THE very busiest day of the year, with a sick family, takes talent!

On the way home to Utah, we encountered some major fog at the John Wayne airport. We had no choice but to sit on the runway for over an hour. We had to wake up on this lovely morning at 4:30 to be out of the hotel by 5:00 an to the airport...to sit. Ugh. I wouldn't have planned it this way, but I thought it would be really fun to challenge ourselves with sick kids that early in the morning (and the flights were several hundred dollars cheaper *each*)

I know you can't see it, but everyone but Kinley and Whitney are are asleep in the back of the car. They (we) were all SO tired, and sick. The trip was amazing though. We took it easy, had naps when we needed, swam when we felt like it, and partied like it was 1999 on New Year's Eve.

We came home to the rest of Christmas to put away, unpacking, and one day to relax before school was back in session. Then, I got sick. I don't know how I held out that long, being the one that was with the kids the most, other than Jon. I drank their drinks, wiped their faces, and all the other mommy stuff. But, my body held off for a while.

When I was finally ready to blog again, I realized my computer charger was D.E.A.D. so I have so many random (catch you up) kind of things to say.

Because Jon is the amazing hubby he is, he has made sure I have had plenty of sleep since I got sick. He took the kids all day Saturday, so I could sleep. He took all 6 kids to the *GUN SHOW* and returned with a gift. My very first handgun with a laser attached. This is a little red light that shows you where your bullet will hit. This comes in handy when a dog in Alpine is charging for your ankle, and you are trying to shoot it and flustered.

Laugh if you will, hate me if you want...but if you have ever had this happen, you would understand. Every time Tiff and I go for a walk in Alpine Wyoming, we are approached by dogs. Some are Running full speed, and others walk up and start circling us. Some dog owner's stop their dog, others couldn't give a crap less if they ripped my leg off.

I was actually bit about a year ago by a pit bull. Luckily I had on Sorel boots, so I only bruised and didn't break the skin. But, I have sworn that I will carry a gun next time and if I am charged again, I will shoot. Maybe in the air, and maybe somewhere else.

*****************

I slept Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and half of Monday. Monday was Halle's 5 year birthday, and because of our crazy schedule, I decided to combine Halle and Jordan's birthday party in a few weeks. But when she woke up yesterday, I asked her what she wanted to do....I shouldn't have.

"Ma Ma, I wanna go to Chuck E Cheese!"

"Really......?" insert a possible whine on my part

"Yes Yes Yes! I love Chuck E. Cheese!"

"Don't you want to go to Chuck-a-rama or get pizza or ...anything else?"

"No."

"............"

"ok."

So we went.

That place just sicks me out.

All the kids running around the pinball games, toy cars, and touching the buttons were sick. All kinds of combinations of germs that I didn't want to get as I am just getting my family over the last set. I try to get excited about it, I really do. I just would rather do anything than that. The pizza came, the chuckie cake, and the kids started running around with the coins.

Ella found her favorite game. The one where the coins drop onto a sliding shelf that hopefully pushes of a whole bunch of coins. It's kind of like gambling, because you can see all the coins that might fall but they are magnetized to the shelf. It is very rare, if ever, that they actually make it into your pocket.

"Mom Look!" Ella said "I need your help! Just hold this button down, and I'll get more tickets."

This kid has learned how to trick the system to get more tickets than I have ever seen! She doesn't even care about the rides, and every time she had to waster her time sitting on one and not winning tickets for prizes, she had an extremely bored look on her face.

"Oh Oh OH!! We are going to get all of these coins!!"

and then the machine stopped. We looked at each other with huge eyes, and I thought, "well good. Maybe she won't take her life savings and live in Vegas to earn an income. Just then, Kinley walked up and BUMPED the machine with her hip! She coins came piling down!

And then the ALARM went off.

No, I'm not kidding! The sound was blaring and made for people just like Kinley. I started laughing and rounded the corner, so Ella could take the blame when the chuck-e-cheese security arrived. I'm not sure what they did to her, so I can't finish the story.

Halle Bug had this outrageous idea to go in this flying ticket machine, that I had never seen before! She was really excited at first, and then became nervous as they geared her up. The point behind the game is to catch as many tickets that are blowing in the air that she can. We were all laughing so hard at her reactions!

First the goggles!

I don't know if that video will work or not.... (WOW I just reviewed it and my laugh is REALLY loud and close to the speaker!! SO sorry haha)

Anyway, it was fun. I forgot to mention that on the way to Chuck-E-Cheese, Jon took the girls to Toys-R-Us to watch Halle pick out her present. Sometimes my kids choose to pick out their own presents because they have so much fun walking through the store and comparing all of their options.

Because I was sick, I didn't go to this part BUT when I got into the car later, Jon handed me something that made my sick day, week, or even month!

My VERY own cabbage patch doll!

The first thing I did is RIP open the top. And then the sides. And then the bottom, and realized our newly adopted "Lizbeth Keely" wasn't coming out! I pushed, and breathed hard, just like a natural child birth but she was just. stuck.

I resolved myself to the fact that it was going to have to be a C-Section. But I wasn't prepared for this! It wasn't in the birth plan or anything. So instead I just kept pushing....

"Heee heee whoooo.....heee heee whooo..."

and eventually, she popped OUT!

As you can see, some of the placenta is still attached, but we hadn't had the chance to clean her up yet. I let the Birthday girl have the first hug, as hard as it was. I had already passed the box around to let my girls smell her. She has a darling belly button, and such a cute little bum!! I used to have a cabbage patch that my mom made me. Katy was her name. She had LONG brown hair, blue eyes, and was chubbier than any cabbage patch baby I had ever seen. I french braided her hair over and over and over again. At the time, it was because I had all brothers and only a baby sister with no hair. Now I know that Katy was an angel. She (and my mom) were preparing me for my future with half a dozen heads of hair to do daily.

And with that, I am over and out.

See you tomorrow!

oh oh, I almost forgot! With all of those tickets, Halle picked out a prize. When I asked her what she wanted, she said, "I want the Angry Bird animal" When I asked her if she wanted the cute green pig, she said, "No, I want the one with the sweaty eyes!"

"Huhhhhh"

And then I saw it.

January 7, 2012

2011 Lesson #2 : Don’t Carpe Diem

I rarely, if ever refer people to articles to read, but I LOVE this.
It describes perfectly how I feel about frustration in motherhood, and I couldn't have said it better myself, or even paraphrased and not taken away from it's beautiful message.
Enjoy! Have a great weekend!

My darling hubby took ALL My kids to the "GUN SHOW" so I could be sick, alone, and read. Heaven only knows what they will bring home from that experience, but "Frankly Scarlet, I don't give a damn."

xoxo
love that man.

2011 Lesson #2 : Don’t Carpe Diem

January 6, 2012

Rock the Casbah!

I came back from Cali
to an nonchargeable computer
so I'm stuck with this phone
I can't think of anything crueler

I have much to say
but it takes too long
I'll have to make this short
no way to prolong

I'm stuck in my bed feeling
sick sick sick sick
everyone else had it in Disney
I guess, I waited a bit

I'm the last one taken down
into this gory zombie land
"the walking dead" are my homies
we should start a band

there still is silver lining
to this great big black cloud
my parents surprised me with a call
that I want to shout aloud!

they heard that I've been married
for a really really long time
and booked their condo in Hawaii
for my hubby and I

we will wait until march 17th to play
after 7 kids and 16 years
I can't think of a better way
to celebrate our long lasting love

Thanks mom and dad for rockin' the casbah!!

January 5, 2012

Top Mother Sayings

I'm Home.

We actually returned on Monday, but I'm so far behind in mommy duties I haven't found the time to blog. When I think of what I feel like writing today, so many things come to mind but more than anything, I'm reflecting on all the talk I do. It seems that my mind has a mouth of it's own that rambles on and on as I move through my day. Sometimes my mind mouth is quieter, and other times I can barely hear myself think because it is so loud. Today, I have had a hard time staying focused on what's going on around me because it just won't shut up. Do you want to hear my mind mouth? You poor Pink Moss followers that enjoy my random thoughts for whatever reason.

Here we go:
Why do the the computer cords get all tangled up with each other, even though I don't ever see anyone under the computer messing with them?
Does Patrick on "Sponge Bob" really have a laser in his but like Halle says?
What day is it?
If I don't exercise when I am sick, does that count as lazy?
How can I help my daughters have a good self esteem?
What is my schedule for today?
Who's job was this?
I'm sick, but it doesn't matter because I'm mom.
I wish my kids knew how great they are.
I wish my kids would stop fighting.
Why are my kids so annoying..." mom mom mom mom mom mom mom mom "
Why don't theses pants fit? It couldn't be the ice cream and french fries.
what what what what..."I said WHAT"
I wonder what I'll be when I grow up.
Maybe I should learn Spanish today, or the piano, or write a book.

Then there is my face mouth that talks to the kids, and I hear the same things over and over again:
"Are you deaf or something? Do you need hearing aids?"
"Did you brush your teeth? Today?"
"Did you comb your hair? It doesn't hurt so much if you do it once a week."
"Do you think your socks are going to pick themselves up?"
"Don't eat that, you'll get worms! I HATE worms."
"Don't pick that scab! I knew a girl once that used to pick her scabs and eat them and it sicks me OUT!"
"Don't talk with your mouth full!"
"Can I PALEEAASSE go to the bathroom without you banging on the door?"
"Go play outside! It's a beautiful day!"
"How do you know you don't like it if you haven't tasted it? And no, I'm not hiding fish in it."
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you right back out"
"I didn't ask who put it there, I said "Pick it up!"
"Someday you'll get your chance to be a better mother than I am. Good luck, I hope you are."
"If you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to play outside. That's the rule."
"It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I don't trust everyone else or the Internet."
"Life isn't fair.Get used to it."
"So it's raining? You're not sugar -- you won't melt."
"What did I say the FIRST time?"
"What part of NO don't you understand? (afterward singing the song "They might be giants" No means no.)
"When I was your age, I had to walk ten miles through the snow, uphill, to get to the bus stop."
"You kids are trying to drive me crazy!"
"You can't judge a book by its cover. It would be boring if we were all the same."
"You can go out to play...after you pick up your room."
"Running away? Is that a threat or a promise? Let me help you pack."
"Is your homework finished?"
"If you're too full to finish your dinner, you're too full for dessert."
"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."
"Did you flush and wash your hands?"
"Bored! How can you be bored? I was never bored at your age."

And then Jon comes home and we have our business rundown for the day, and my business mouth says:
"Did you finish your budget?"
"How did the meetings go?"
"What are our goals for 2012?"
"Thanks for working so hard to support our family and so many others."
"Did you hire that new guy?"
"Did the janitor really steal it, or were we just accused because "the janitor always does it?"
"Everything will work out OK!"
"One day at a time."
"Go get em' Tiger!"

So you see.
I blog about a lot of things, but in the mean time I am talking through a lot of different mouths. I guess you could say this is my blog mouth. The mouth that lets me blab about whatever I feel like that day.
Random, indeed. But I guess that's what you get on my blog. Different snap shots of my head mouth, face mouth, business mouth, and blog mouth.

Now that's a lot of talking!