Alone?

This is the first week of school.

The kids are gone, all but my Handsome.  We are buddies.

Really? 

Has it almost been a year since he came to live with us?  Yes, on October 4th it will have been a year.  It has most definitely taken this long for him to adjust to his new home and family, and us to adjust to him.  He has been settled in now for several months, really comfortable and sleeping all night at about six.  He seems so big, hardly the same boy that came to our front door with his mother and NaNa.

Jon asked me today if it will be hard for me to see him meet his biological mom and NaNa someday, I said no but I wonder if I am right.  I am sure I will feel protective and hopeful that he deals with it well, but overall happiness for all involved.  We have all worked in our own way to make him comfortable and stable. 

I'll let you know exactly how it feels if I am still blogging. (that's a long time)

Who knows.  I do have a pretty good idea of how it will feel after watching Jon meet his biological mom for the first time and sending back my niece after four years of raising her.  We shall see.

Time marches on for all.

As fast as my kids entered school, one by one, they will leave.  Unimaginable, and yes I am feeling old.  In only 4 short years I will be considered "over the hill".  Does this mean I am standing on top right now?  I kind of feels like it as I look back over the past and forward to the future.  One thing is for sure, life has it's own ideas of how things should go for each of us.  We can decide what we want our life will look like, but we sure don't hold the master plans. 

As far as I can tell, we are all in this alone.

 

Don't get me wrong, we surround ourselves with loved ones and share experiences.  We build eternal bonds and dreams together, and we help each other out through ups and downs.  But, at the end of the day we have to explain the inner workings of our mind to everyone else.  Nobody has your own unique life experiences and processes them the exact same way.  I have a loving husband, supportive family and friends but my mind is my own.  My feelings are my own.  My life is my own.  There is something lonely about this, unnerving and even desperate sometimes. 

There are stories I would love to tell you, that I never will.  Things I would like to share, even feelings that are unexplainable.  I was talking to my sister Camille today about depression.  She said, "I don't know how it feels to be depressed, I've been down or frustrated but not depressed."  I remember feeling that way at one point in time, and then it happened.  I had postpartum depression after giving birth to Ella, and I didn't even realize it for a long time after. 

I had never felt it.  

Now that I have, it will be easier recognized right?  Is that good or bad.  It's neither here nor there but the point is, how do you explain hard things to other people?  How do you share how depression feels, to someone that has never been depressed?  How do you relate how it feels to loose a loved one to death, or simply not being able to see someone that you love knowing they are on the planet but unattainable?  How do you explain feeling desperate for someone you love but not being able to help.   How do you explain happiness to a friend, or daughter? Or anything for that matter.  Understanding comes from being there yourself.  Empathetic is one thing, full and total understanding comes from experience.

After reflecting on this for a few days, I have come to the realization that this is exactly why we need to be close to our Heavenly Father.  I don't care what religion you are or how you choose to worship or even if you worship, but I believe our maker *in my case* Jesus Christ and our Heavenly father know us individually.  He understands our struggles and fully feels our pain and frustrations.  He loves us, as we love our own children, but more perfectly.  He doesn't want us to feel abandoned, but surely he knows at some point we all will.  That is why I love prayer.  The power of prayer is unmeasurealbe but I believe it is real.  

I sway up and down on my communication with my Heavenly Father, and right now feeling weak for whatever reason, I realize I need to work harder again.

The Hunger Games

 

Can I just say that I have been completely absorbed in this book?! 

Not only this book, but the other two in the trilogy *The Hunger Games*.

I haven't been this engrossed in a series since Harry Potter and my poor kids have paid for it.  I was on the final few chapters tonight and Handsome walked outside in front of our house and asked Rosy,

"I wanna wear this!" and it was a Maxi Pad.

Good thing Rosy loves me and brought him back to me.  Handsome has always had a special place in his heart for her.  After he came to live with us almost a year ago, Rosy came over to meet him.  It was obvious right from the start that he thought she was either his biological mom or nana because he screamed and ran over to her and jumped into her arms.  He hadn't acted this way with anyone else and she does look quite a bit like them.  

It has always been cute to watch him love her up when he sees her. 

Anyway, back to the books.

The classic tale of a girl trying to choose between two boys that she loves, death, adventure, action, suspense...it was a great way to help me get through the last few weeks of summer.  A mental break from reality and I would recommend the books to anyone. 

*******************

I just returned from a quick overnight adventure to the St. Regis Deer Valley resort in Park City.  I am sure it was a man that planned the event for Peterson Partners because it was on the first night of school for the kids.  We were honored to be invited as a guest.  Luckily I was able to be there when they got home from school the first day and then back before they were home the next day.  The conference was WELL worth the time it took out of my week.  The people there were unbelievably successful in business in many different areas.  Some were investors, and some were CEO's of companies.  They had phenomenal speakers, General Stanly McCrystal, Row Moriarty, Bret Comolli that owns "esure" that took his company from 10 million to 4 billion, Randy Hales the owner of mighty light, Joel Peterson from Peterson Partners, that also teaches at Harvard and more.

  It was motivational, informative, and so nice to be around other crazy people like us that are working to build a business.  I met a darling girl that I could see being great friends with at the dinner the night before the conference that was full of life and so great to talk to.   Jon and I believe we have a lot to do, and we are just beginning to attack our path in business.  It was weird being one of only 4 women in a roomful of 50 or so men, but that's ok.  I have helped Jon build RBM since I was 18, and I can't imagine spending my time by the pool like the rest of the wives.

 

Check out this hotel St. Regis

It's at the top of the mountain.  The building at the bottom just houses the tram to take you to the top! Never a dull moment.  I have just resided myself to the fact that we both love to jump into new things with two feet.  We could choose a more calm and planned life, but neither of us want that.

We want to live day to day setting goals and working together to achieve them.

This is how we are happy.

story time

Back to School Night

It's official.

The summer has come to an end and I feel somewhat like a pregnant lady in the 40th week of pregnancy.  Ready, over ready for school to start.  I love summer with the kids, and I love when they go back.  We spent today going through every drawer and closet organizing  the clothes and changed sizes from room to room again.  Afterward we went swimming across the street at our sweet neighbors house.  She lets us pop on over whenever we like.

Jon and I just got back from taking all the kids to back to school night.  I signed up for four parent teacher conferences in a row, treats alternating on holidays for each class, and have signed my life away promising to be an outstanding parent.  Helping with reading, math, spelling, memorizing lines and volunteering int he classes...here we go again.

Kinley just had her first experience with a public high school and we spent about an hour laughing at the differences.  I was interested to see her reaction because I knew it would be funny.  I went to public high school and loved it, and told Jon that *fine* we could send them to private school when they were younger so they could have lots of help *with only 12 kids in a class at the most* ....but not high school.  Dances, football games, diversity, ... it's all part of the growing up experience.  

(speaking of growing up, check out Kineyl at age 4!)

Here are the differences she mentioned.

* "Mom, the bathrooms were dis cus ting!* She is used to pictures, plants and candles in the    bathrooms.

* "I almost fell over twice being knocked by so many people in the halls* She had 10 total in her junior high!

* "Mom, this is what my Biology teacher said...." "Kids, Shut UP.  It is Shut up time.  I will ring your neck if you talk, I will ring your neck if you touch your pencils.. maybe I shouldn't say shut up, nahh...you are old enough SO SHUT UP..." Kinley and I laughed and laughed, especially when we looked at Whitney with her huge eyes.  Then she said, "maybe I like my uniform!"

* "Mom, the principal was talking about lady gaga and my teacher played the radio during class! We could use our phones...it was crazy!"  You see, my kids are not used to any of this.  Their schools are so quiet, I knew it would be a culture shock.  No swearing, no name calling...actually 3 strikes for the entire school year or you were kicked out.  

*  "Mom, there were so many kids, and I didn't know anyone so I walked around and talked to all the of the kids that were alone."  Also told me the story..."We had a get to know you day and we had to write down things we enjoyed.  When they read out loud that I liked snowboarding, and surfing behind the boat, and girl said, "Wow they will have buff legs...!"  She about died when she found out is was Kinley.  So did the boys in the class.....here we go!  The crushes begin

So there you have it.

It will just be Jordan and I at home alone.  I think he will be so lonely at first being used to all the kids at home all summer.  Halle is gone until 11:30 every day, so we will have plenty of time to read books and visit the park.  

Let the games begin!

First Day

First day of high school for Kinley. I might have shed one tear per eye. Aren't I still in high school? The math doesn't add up for me, yet it rarely does.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Running wo-man

I feel GREAT!

I just ran my first 5K in I don't know how long....I have run a lot longer, but since having my low iron to the point of almost getting a blood transfusion, I haven't been able to even make it a few miles without bending over and choking for air. 

So I'll take it. 

I also signed up for a boot camp class twice a week for a year.  My plan is to fill in the other 3 days with running and biking.  My goal...?  To be back to my best shape, at least well on my way by my birthday in one month {September 17th}.  The past year has eaten me alive in the health area, impossible to leave Jordan to exercise, even on the treadmill he would try to climb on.  And I have partied like it's 1999 in the calorie department.  I have tried over and over to become refocused and after several failed attempts have become gradually stronger.]

So here we go!

I ran 5.5 miles today and felt great.  I do however believe I was a bit disillusioned when I was running, saw a cop car

and slowed down!

41st Grade

I realized just now at 3 a.m. that I am entering the 41st grade.  Before you laugh and call me old, you gotta read why HERE over at the "Help Me Grow" blog I write for!

Enjoy!

The 4th Part 3

Everyone loves a Parade

Right?

wrong.

I usually can't stand a parade.  The hot sticky ground, blazing sun encouraging sweat to roll down your back, loads of people fighting for space with their chairs. yuck.  But I do however love the parade in Alpine Wyoming.  It lasts about 30 minutes and is right off the hill from our cabin.  We load up, drive on our four wheelers about 10 minutes before it starts and enjoy the best seat in town.  Half of the town is actually in the parade, so it's a good thing we visit so the moose aren't the only ones eating the salt water taffy.

waiting...

of course Robert H. Knows everyone in town.

Grandma Ginny assumed her usual place to enjoy the passers by, at one point a really old man on a horse actually checked her out!  When we told her, she just grinned as if not surprised.  I've always wondered if as I age I will think old men are cute because I'm old, or if I still think men 40 years younger than my wrinkly body are cuter...?

Time will tell, and if I still blog when I'm 80 I'll let you know!

 

 **********************

Later that day we headed down to Palisades Reservoir for our annual fireworks show!  Once again, Jon went a little crazy at the store but I didn't hear anyone complain 

{except for our CFO a few weeks later when she was going over purchases at our office}

We couldn't find a way to write it off of course...

umm food and entertainment?? nope.

I love lighting off fireworks on the shores of a lake.  The lights reflect across the water as the moon watched over head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is the only picture I got of Kinley.

I took a bunch when Jordan and Halle were playing with sparklers, but it when the real show started I didn't take anymore.  Plus, the kids seemed to be hiding from me, I'm not sure why?

 

 

 

and Grandma Ginny?

She was in the car again watching the huge fireworks in safety.  I don't really blame her, we were lighting off stuff that is only legal in Wyoming, Stadium firework kind of stuff.  Jon and I have a little pyro in us, and I loved lighting off the huge ones when I got a chance.

Alas, we have a whole year until I can justify that again.

Happy Fourth of July *in August!*

Is it You?

This may sound completely strange, and I'm ok with that.... but I feel like someone is thinking about me.  Is my nose itching or have I sneezed three times?  No.  I still feel like someone is sending mental energy my way.  Someone I may never see again, or even haven't met.  Is it you?  If so, say hello because whoever you are, your thoughts are getting to me and I'd rather you be up front.  How can I feel so close to someone and not know who it is?  I'm not sure. 

Call me crazy....

Is this a cheesy enough picture to go with my random thought?  

I thought so too.

SKWBEHJ

In my laundry room hangs

SKWBEHJ

a gold star for anyone that can guess what it means!

As I slide into another weekend, I sit in my bed and think back over my summer. 

It has been full of memories, growth, fun, work, and kids.  It leaves me almost breathless as I think of how fast time flies.  I had so much more to do, but couldn't have fit more in without killing over dead.  I have months worth of pictures unshared and stories untold.  

My kids are progressing so quickly...

Syd is happily married and just called today to tell me she made it into the University of Utah!  I am so proud of her.  She is adjusting to being without lots of girls around and is very sweet to call or visit when she has a chance.  She is working hard to support herself, as is Scotty.  They are a great team that will go far in whatever direction they choose.

(even working on a paper due while at my parents house in the trees!)

Kinley is ready to enter public high school for the first time and is more than ready to pick her own outfits and have more than 15 boys to choose from to have a crush on.

Jon has always pushed the private school thing because he had very bad experiences in public school.  He was dyslexic and treated as if something was wrong with him.  I don't blame the teachers per se *other than the one that called him dumb* because they didn't have the same methods to use back in those days for kids with learning disabilities.  As we have had our kids, he wants to make sure they have all the attention they need so they don't feel left behind or dumb.  I don't really care if they are in a private school or not, but if they are happy, I am too.

Anyway,

Kinley is full of life and has such a positive attitude.  She is ready to conquer the world, and I have no doubt she will have a positive effect on many for good.  She arranged her whole schedule in school so that she could work with special needs kids.  That is her passion and love.  She is patient, loving and fun.  She has a great sense of humor and wants to do well in school.  She would love to attend BYU Hawaii

*we will see*

I don't know that kids really get their homework done there or not!  We are great friends and love spending time together.  We watched a movie the other night that was SCARY!  What movie you ask?  Insidious!!! Anyway, I had already seen the movie but when I watched it with her she screamed so loud that I screamed and swore.... {loudly}  Yes, the same unstoppable word that only arises in those very choice situations, flying out when I have no choice in the matter. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I have never slipped, but I watch myself pretty good - especially in front of the kids.

The same word I said in front of the kids when I hit a pole in my dads driveway, when a mouse ran under my leg, when I'm flying behind the boat at top speeds..the same word.  You can guess which one, but we laughed and laughed....love that girl.  I used to think she would drive me crazy as a teen, but she has been so fun to raise.

Whitney has really done well this summer.

She has been more at peace after needing  break from dancing.  She is contemplating joining a competitive cheer leading team and even went to tryouts last week.  They told me that the team had already been chosen, but she could come and just see the facility to see if she wanted to take tumbling lessons.  I knew right from the start that they would be blown away by her talents, so I bit my cheeks and tried not to snicker when they asked if she knew how to execute toe touches and "can you please show us?"  When she catapulted into the air with her legs in a v {higher than the middles splits} with her legs perfectly pointed and straight, I knew they were hooked.

"wow...oooo...oh wow! Now can you show us a back handspring?"
Her body sprung across the floor like a deer in the forest.  "sure" she said....
"WOW, ok how about a round off, back hand spring, back tuck?"

boing boing boing...they gym silenced as all the girls stopped what they were doing to watch "the new girl".  There was a coach sitting in front of me on the bleachers that was ooooing and ahhhhing and he finally turned to say

"has she had dance?"
"yes, at Center Stage on the competing team."
"Yes, I can tell, and has she had tumbling?"
"Yep, at All American since she was 4"
"yes, she is so naturally talented!  She makes it look effortless!"


and he was right.

It barley looked like she had to tighten her muscles to perform for them.  The girl sitting next to the coach was obviously the best in the gym and was growing increasingly uncomfortable with her newly found competition.

"Hey coach" she said "can we go work on my full?"
the coach didn't her as he was watching Whitney.  "Hey COACH, can we go work on my full now?"
"Oh oh, yea..." so she led him over and started to practice.
The other coach said to Whitney, "so we already picked teams, but you are more than welcome to join..."

Brighton has jumped into her competition soccer team, which has made up the past several days around here.  She is "keeper" which in my terms is called "goalie".  She has always liked soccer, but never really played until last year.  She tried out for a competitive team first which is pretty backwards and actually made it!  She is not afraid of the ball or to dive and be physical.  She was perfect for the job.  She played yesterday and it was pretty intense with girls charging towards her passing the ball back and forth.  There is a certain pressure for a keeper because although it is the whole teams job to keep the ball moving in the right direction, if they keeper lets it through the polls she gets the bad rap.  I am somewhat defensive when all the parents are yelling

"KEEPER get the ball!!"

luckily she does a great job.  She let one ball pass her yesterday and blocked many.  One went over her head and she jumped to get it but she isn't tall enough yet.  They tied three to three, and today won five to one.  Tomorrow morning is the last match up and then the highest scoring teams play off tomorrow night.  I am assuming this means us, especially if we win tomorrow morning.  It will be interesting to see if the coach lets Sprite start because is trying to teach her a lesson.

"Brighton, if you don't make it to all the practices you can't start first at the games."
"ok"

*I have had issue getting her there on Thursdays because they moved practice to Highland 30 minutes away because most of the team was from there *then WHY try out for an Orem team?*

"Brighton, I make it here every Thursday, and on time!"
"Yes, but my mom has 7 kids and you don't."

So there you have it.  They coach doesn't like me and I don't care, so when I saw him at the game I flashed him a big smile and said, "Hey coach, great job!"...kill em with kindness...

I'll let you know if she wins!

Ella just had a birthday yesterday and turned eight!  I can't believe it...really.  She is the cutest combination of Cinderella and a WWF chick.  She is solid, and tough.  She sounds and looks like a fairy tale, but on the soccer field she plows girls over without even meaning to.  She just started goalie training with Brighton by an ex BYU Hawaii girls soccer keeper trainer.  They are having lots of fun and it keeps her busy.  She does face painting daily on anyone that will sit longer than a minute.  I'll see if I can dig up a picture.  She dresses up and is such a great care taker for the littles.  Kids love Ella because she has fun ideas and is so patient with them.  She wants to learn the piano (heaven help me find all the time I need).  The latest words out of her mouth are:

"Mom, can I massage your feet? Can I do your makeup?"
"Hey we are going to have an art stand and if you want to buy my art you can come to my stand and pay a dollar a picture!"
"Mom, can I make dinner for you?"
"Mom, what do you want me to clean for a job?"

Ever helpful, my Ella. 

Halle's new sayings are *when she has to potty* "I am going to visit the oval office" she states in a dignitary voice, and when she watches movies she cackles out loud at the funny parts seemingly understanding way beyond her years.  I think it's due to the constant older sister influence, also taunting,

"You love Just a Beaver!"

For Justin Beiber, or jamming to the radio with a cool girl look on her face.  Man, I have my hands full with this one..funny funny kid.  She loves her little brother and people ask me if they are twins all the time.  H.A.M. her initials fit to a T!

Jordan aka Handsome is grown a million percent!  He says whatever he wants, communicating brilliantly.  Sleeps through the night.  Plays with kids well.  Growl laughs when he wrestles.  Hugs and kisses for all.  Follows daddy around saying

"What you doing Daddy?"
"I'm going to work."
"Oh, can I go to work too?"

He loves airplanes, helicopters, tractors, and cars.  He has pottied on the potty a few times which makes me so happy that I could potty also!  I have been bribing and will continue until he is consistent with all potty goals!  He loves to throw grass on me on the soccer field.

"Mommy, I get you!!"
"Nooooo"
"Hahahahahah *insert a growl* Mommy, I got it on your shirt!! ahahaha! Mommy, I put the grass in your drink!! ahahaha!  Mommy get me! Mommy you can't get me!"

as he runs and runs, tripping half the time and when I really try to chase him back, he throws his head clear back and runs so fast he falls down in laughter.

I love to say, "I'm going to eat you like corn on the cob *because he loves corn on the cob* and he laughs so hard he wheezes as I bite his pot belly and arms.

We are happy.  Happy and busy.  I have been going into our office for the past few weeks on Mondays to sit in on all of the meetings.  Sales meeting, managers meeting, and planning meetings with our VP and CEO.  It is SO Nice to know what is going on first hand without picking Jon's brain later in the day.  We actually talk about business less after hours because he doesn't have to recap it all, AND I can give better input after seeing all sides of issues.  Thursdays I have gone on a few sales calls and lunches to present our building maintenance services to new property management clients.  It has gone really well, and I have thoroughly enjoyed adult conversations.

I was asked TO GOLF next Friday...BWAHAHAHAHA can you hear that because it was pretty loud!  I golfed once when I was about 12 and lost my ball in a lake.  When my friend came out from retrieving it, she had leaches on her legs.  That is the total of my expertise, so can you pray for me?  It will be funny my friends...the etiquette and what to wear?  I will have to borrow one of Jon's polo's because I don't have one.

and Jonny boy?  

He is trying to stay alive as usual.  Building business and doing the entrepreneur thing.  Did I ever show you a picture that proves he has at least 9 lives?  Well, I will now.  He was snowmobiling and slipped on the foot railing of the bile...it slit across his wrist and actually jumped the main artery.  This picture was taken a year later and the scar on the other side of the vein has pretty much healed...
Good thing because we were in the middle of nowhere...

So there you have it, the latest and greatest!