Disney Days

So everyone is still laying in bed waking up after 2 long wonderful days in California.  We are off to Disneyland *the happ happ happiest place on earth today* and I am so excited I could just pee!

Here are just a few pictures from Balboa the first day we arrived...

just a few, because I gotta go!!

Girls Trip!!!

I'm a little bit excited as my hubster drives me to the airport on this very fine day. I'm sure I will be M.I.A. The next little bit. It's not often you get to hang at Disneyland with childhood friends :)

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drug take back

I hope this link works from my iblogger...
Check r' out!

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Red Rock Adventure

Several months back, I took a little random trip to Moab with some exercise friends to go repelling!  It was great fun, especially since I was able to use our airplane timeshare deal to get down there that morning and return before the kids did from school.  

In our timeshare we own a part of three different small planes, and whenever Hubzie gets the chance, he takes flying lessons *which isn't very often right now*

Nick is our friend and pilot.

He is quite the character and never delivers a boring experience.  At one point he turned over controls to me above the vast red rock and let me know, "you are flying now..."

"WHAT!"

*insert whatever choice words you would like here*

He giggled and smiled and relished any fear that shot out of my glaring eyes and made it into his soul.  I was mad, but laughing and loved the freedom of soaring above the clouds.  A vantage point not many get with the adrenaline to match.  I have always been the careful one with the flying.  I have heard too many scary stories, but I couldn't resist the chance to take advantage of the plane when I heard of the repelling Moab trip.  All carefulness went out the airplane window.  I am just to

"fly by the seat of my pants" to pass this one up!

The sun was brilliant as it cast a bright pink and peach shade across the landscape.

When we arrived at the little airport, we had someone meet us there and drive us to the restaurant where all the other people that camped were.  Some thought it was a great idea to fly down that morning and others gave me some crazy weird looks.

There was a to die for dog in a car in the parking lot, and I had to take a picture for Hubz.  After all, this is the dog we will be buying next!

After hiking through the red rock for about an hour, our group came to our first repel....wow....it was pretty crazy looking at how far down we would drop.  I couldn't get too close to the edge here to give you an idea, but I thought my shadow was pretty great!

This is my friend *and previous trainer* Mat Gover. 

He is the one that owns the gym where I used to train.  He is a great guy and so much fun to be with.  He organizes outings once a quarter to bring the group closer together and to experience different outdoor experiences.  I actually knew him in college, and re-met him through Jon at a business networking meeting!  You should have seen his face when he introduced me and I let him know that I already knew him from my Anatomy class!

"SOOOO, he is the reason you were at lab so long..."

Funny guy.  

I was already dating Jon, but did meet a lot of great people in that class *not just the cadavers*.  I also met one of my very closest friends Kori there.  She later became my roommate and life friend.

This is one of the walls we came down.  It does not do it justice because one, I brought my crappy camera and two, it was A LOT higher than it looks!

This is Mat with his darling wife.  I love that they go out and enjoy experiences like this together!

There is no doubt about it, you see Moab in a different way if you repel through it instead of just walk through it.

This was the guy from 5 finger adventures that hosted the activity.  I wish I could remember his name, he was a great guy and so calm.  You would need to be this way to help everyone through this for the first time.

On our second repel we had to throw the rope over the first drop so we could repel off of the bridge in the air.  It was so beautiful and I felt like angelina Jolie on "mr. and mrs. smith" swaying through the breeze and kicking off the walls.  

and this is the bridge we repelled off...whoosh...nothing to express the rush I felt!

and this is what my brand new repelling gloves looked like after that decent.

*I dont' think my fingers were supposed to touch but I was too freaked out to realize I was getting rope burn!

Me, a tad bit nervous

No, I didn't stack the rocks, I found them this way.  I could barley take pictures as I was hiking because nobody was waiting!

This is my favorite thing about Utah...

Snow on the beautiful majestic mountains and hot red rock in the same landscape.

And here comes Mr. Nick to pick us up...

Andrea and I feelin' like a million bucks after a long adventurous day in the air, and traversing through one of the most beautiful places on earth!

Food For Thought

My conversation 2 seconds ago:

"mommy, can I sleep with someone or somepting?"

"Why Bug?"

"Because I am afraid I will have night dreams..."

"you will be OK, just turn on the light in the bathroom..."

"Um, OK well there is this Jack dog and all of JC's dogs died and it's really sad and then Jack jus (they called him Jack) Jack he was like a walking around and he always liked me and cause I always went to his house...Jackers, that's his dog name. An Jackers he always like me, Jackers loves me because he is a good dog and I love him too and he didn't died."

"Oh, do you miss your dog?"

"Yea, he is super cute and Phylis was a good dog and I love her so much and Evie was a stinker dog because evie always always always do something like everyday he did.  He like bites his toy but it wasn't his toy.  Evie he bite the cat toy and yeaaaa."

"K Bug, I love you! Goodnight."

"K love you, Evie's a stinkier dog..." as she runs out of the room.

10:30, high time for bed.  

She was knocked off schedule because of a late nap.  She fell asleep as we were talking to the case worker today, the AMAZING case worker Suzanne.

11

eleven

ELEVEN

E.L.E.V.E.N.

kids 

not one or two or three or four or five or six or seven or eight or nine or ten but 

ELEVEN {special needs} kids were adopted by Suzanne.  Can you imagine the kind of love, devotion, patience, and strength it would take to adopt 11 special needs kids that can't find a home?

  I can't even begin to comprehend.

She showed up today to do our post placement meeting.  She talked to all of the kids and interviewed them...oh how I love interviews that I don't give, but get to watch.  You never know what the interviewer is going to ask and better yet, you NEVER know what your kids are going to say.  

Suzanne was obviously at our home today to make sure Handsome was comfortable and that it was a good fit for everyone.  She went through each child one by one and asked them questions.  My favorite *cringe* answer was Bug's.

"So honey, do you go to school?"

"ummm, no"

"So do you stay home with your mommy?"

"Ummm yes, but they are always gone so people just watch me all the time."

GULP...I bust out laughing.  What do I say to that?  I am here most of the time, but I guess in her little four year old brain I leave a lot, and "people" watch her.  

The rest of the kids answered their favorite books to read such as Harry Potter, Secret Garden, and others.  They talked about what they did in their free time and what they liked to do with our family.  It was pretty fun to sit back and see how grown up they sounded, how proud I was of them.  

We went through our history and the things Jon and I have been through together, including raising my niece for several years and my step daughter.  We talked about Handsome and how he may struggle when he gets into his teenage years and that there wasn't any promises 

*but is there any promises with biological children either?* 

nope.

It's a crap shoot either way. 

 All you can do is your best each day and hope you don't screw up your kids too bad as you practice being a parent.  After all, we have never done this before.  We are learning on our kids.  It's no wonder we all grow up and have issues to deal with that our parents caused, and the cycle goes on.  You know I am being a kidding girl right now in ways, and in other ways not.

Luckily after talking with us for 2 hours she decided we could handle Handsome and even mentioned that if she needed a home for another child, that she would call us. 

 I laughed, and Jon said, 

"Yea, Handsome needs a brother."

I about choked.  

Jon is ready to start having children about the time I thought we would be all done.  He attributes this to having his first so young.  He finally feels like he is ready to start.  Sorry bub, this uterus is all dried up.  Ain't no other babies coming out of this over stretched belly!  Now if he can figure a way to pop one out of his, he can go for it.  I'm all supportive and stuff for him.  Actually it may be hilarious seeing Jon pregnant.  He eats enough ice cream now to feed a full army.  

Once a few months ago I answered the front door to see a Shwans man standing there.  I used to like the Shwans men that came by but now I just wonder what monstrosities they are dropping off that Jon ordered.

"That will be $189.00 mam." he said sheepishly

"OK {as I get out my checkbook} for what?"

"Ice cream."

"Ice cream and what?"

..............

"Just ice cream."

And he was right.  He proceeded to load my deep freeze full of ice cream.  Yes, Jon could be pregnant and nobody would know by his eating habits.  A prego can also be moody...check.  Yes, Jon could have our last baby quite nicely and I would feed him and take care of him and even rub his legs when they were sore.  And when the time came for him to push, I would cheer because I was done pushing and he was the one on the table sweating and swearing instead of me.  And when they told him that he would have to wear depends because he pushed so hard for four hours because the baby was posterior and stuck that he pushed his bladder inside out, well I would buy the depends for him, and hold his hand so nicely that his bladder would mend quickly and maybe, just maybe he would want another in a few years and I would be fine with that, because I would just have fun creating this little life with him and then gain my 10 sympathy pounds and complain about them instead of the regular 50.  

Yes, Jon can have our next son.

I'll tell him tomorrow during our morning shower/meeting and before he drives up to SLC to be on channel 5 news {studio 5} sometime between 11-12 for a 10 minute segment on Diamonds by Donna Diamonds for earth day, unless he talks Donna into doing it, and then he can just watch her do the interview with me.  Maybe that would be a good time to tell him he is going to get knocked up.

What do you think?

Is your hubby a whiner baby when he is sick?  Would he have the baby if he could?  
Hmmm, food for thought.

No Returns Necessary

Ring Ring....

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is the adoption center.  It is time to set up the six month check up to see if everything is going OK and to finalize the papers."

"Oh Hi!  Nice to hear from you."

"So, how is it going?"

"Well...{I pause for a minute {How much do I share of the intense journey..?} It's good!  It has been hard, we have learned a lot and he has learned a lot, but we are doing well."

"So then do you want to keep him?"

My mind raced...you mean there is an option? I thought...?  

"People actually give back the kids?"

"Oh yes, it happens all the time."

I couldn't believe my ears.  I can't imagine the tail spin it would throw Handsome into to take him out of my home after six months of hard work in bonding, loving, crying, and everything in between.

"Oh YES, we want to keep him!"

Thoughts flashed through my mind of being more free again, no adoption stress...I could see how people would make that decision after six months of what we have been though if they weren't completely ready for it and able to change, cry, and work to make it happen.

And then I started to realize....we have made it through one of the hardest parts of adoption...and I started to breathe a little bit easier.  I have been so tired and feeling like actually adoption is quite a bit like giving birth.  

Now hear me out...

I know there are a lot of women that wouldn't agree, but here are the similarities for me,

and I have given birth to 5 babies.

* With adoption I believe there is some sort of honeymoon phase where it is all exciting and wonderful, and then real life hits and you have to figure out how to make it all work.  In pregnancy you have 9 months to prepare, with our adoption we had 5 days. We were so excited and then {the baby came} and we hugged and loved and were so happy, and then somewhere along the line it became really hard work just like a biological baby.

* I am starting to think I had postpartum just like I did after my last two babies.  I know my hormones weren't affected by a pregnancy, but my hormones WERE affected by the stress.  I actually had major issues with my monthlywomanlyschedule (how do I put that?).  I had to go into the doctor and figure out what in the world was going on.  After extensive testing to see if I had cysts or something really bad going on, he determined it was just stress.  JUST STRESS?!  Really it can do that to you? {and I'm not going into too much gory detail. Yes, stress can MESS you up and my hormones were messed up.  

* The kids all have to adjust just like with a new baby.  There are jealousies, fighting and happiness for them, just like a biological baby.  Everyone feels a little threatened in their own way.  I think it made a big difference in our family that Handsome was last in the birth order.  If we would have stuck him in the middle, I could see it potentially having a much bigger impact on the other children.

* I gained 15 pounds.  OK, with a pregnancy I gain 50 but I couldn't see any reason I would gain weight.  Call it stress, call it I couldn't get away from Handsome's side for 5 minutes without him freaking out (not even to walk on our treadmill).  So I am on a physical recovery  and in a way it is worse because it doesn't feel justified.  I feel like I am lazy and out of control.  As my stress has calmed down, I feel like I can jump back on top of things but it has been an interesting journey.  After six months, I am now finally getting back onto a regular exercise program and choosing less comfort foods.

* Sleepless nights...yes, with a baby you feed and with an adopted toddler you deal with fears.  I have lacked in sleep just as if I had given birth.  

Some differences?

*I have a crash course time to get to know him.  With a baby, you get one day at a time to grow with each other but with adoption and especially with a toddler you are thrown together and it takes a lot of concentration and patience to understand each other.

* There is the worry with the previous parents.  Luckily in our case, they respect the distance that needs to be given in order to feel comfortable to bond.  If I had parents that were always getting into our business it would have been much harder.  Giving birth, you obviously don't have to worry about that.

* I feel like the other kids are more threatened having adopted Handsome than if I had given birth.  He was like a new toy and I don't think they always understand.  Because Handsome is a boy I think it makes this issue worse because "mom, you just always wanted a boy!" 

{Yes I have heard this}

* Going anywhere is harder, walking out the door is more difficult, sometimes he holds onto me and yells at everyone else if they try and sit with us.  He wants to own me and that can be difficult.  I didn't ever face this with biological children.

* It's hard to know when he throws fits what is effect from being adopted, and what is just because he is two.  In a way it doesn't matter, but in a way it does.  I just wish I could communicate all of the feelings he is going through and I can't yet.  I feel so blessed that he is talking, and well.  It makes a huge difference.

So there you have it.  It isn't all of the thoughts I am having, but some...and there are people that need to hear them if they are considering adoption.  As I was driving home from dropping the kids off at school today I had the most fabulous thought.  A great, happy, wonderful, warm feeling thought that fills you all up with goodness....are you ready?

I have everything that my little heart has ever desired.

All of it, right here in front of my face.  Part of me wants to freeze time, just for even a bit and partake.  I know more trials will come because they always do, but right now I am at peace.

I have six beautiful daughters

I have a son that I prayed for that was hand delivered out of my thoughts by a loving Heavenly Father

I am healthy and strong

My family is the bomb diddy...extended and so forth

My friends were handpicked and heaven sent, and they bless my life

I have a place to ramble my thoughts with people that read them and (mostly enjoy them)

My hubster is a great, hardworking, giving, guy that I was meant to be with.

I can appreciate all of this, because there have been times when I have laid in bed and cried for worry of my children.  Times I couldn't afford food or clothes, and times we have seemingly lost it all but you know what?  We survived, and we could again if we had to. 

 {Heaven knows I am not praying to loose it all again *just had to knock on wood and make sure we were all on the same page right here*} 

But if I had to, we would survive because what we have that nobody can take away is an eternal family. We have each other. 

So, no Mrs. Adoption lady...we won't return our son. No refund...no exchange.

 We will keep him and stick it out thank you very much!