I've been gearing myself up...
One breath at a time, one heartbeat at a time
To the idea of becoming a mouth piece.
To share experiences and stories
Memories that are raw and sometimes hurt
like they happened yesterday.
I am a protector
Or so my counselor said on my first visit last week.
"I only share what builds, not what hurts."
Through some self searching
I am realizing that hurt can help others
Just as much or more than the happy.
We all have a story to tell
And parts of mine have been hidden.
Safe because it involves more than myself, more than my pain alone.
I went searching for peace in the temple
The only truly quiet Heaven on earth *other than nature*
And listened.
I was still and quiet.
Waiting for some kind of inspiration
or strength to do what I know needs to be done
Tell my story
As I sat and opened up the scriptures
A passage stared back at me from the page
As if calling to share knowledge written long ago, frozen in time
Book of Mormon *D&C 67*
Fear does not come from Heavenly Father
It comes from someone else that would love to see us fail.
So I plan to talk
whether it be to a neighbor in the quiet of my home
or from the rooftops, it is the same
It won't be easy
and may pull me apart at the seams
But I have the chance to help
We all have experiences and stories to share
and I feel that sharing heart ache with each other
will help, not hinder
I am designing a blog right now for my husband
for business and such, that will introduce him
and some of the trials we've faced together
Because this topic has been hush hush
even to close family
it hurts even to write this...
Somehow I'm naked
in a nightmare
With all eyes on me
It will no doubt be a journey for me
As well as the people listening
We can go together.
But one step at a time is all I can procure
So bare with me
On my journey, my story
And realize I'm doing my best
to approach a sensitive subject for many
and giving a piece of myself to others who need support
Because there was a time
when I was all alone in my thoughts
and now they will be written for all to see...frozen in time.
Our battle with prescription drug abuse
the pain, the hurt, and the heartache
But somehow we made it through and are here to tell the story
Our story.
4 comments:
As I read this posts title on my Blogger Dashboard, my throat got a lump in it. This is a topic that hits SO close to home for me, and I look forward to hearing your story and hear what you've been through. As weird as this sounds, I look up to you and your blog posts (you seem to have it all together and life seems so wonderful), that I'm interested to hear how this topic has affected your life. My dad was a prescription drug addict (and alcoholic)and it ultimately killed him. My husband will be celebrating two years sober from prescription drugs on May 12, 2011 so I always find comfort in reading about others who are going/have gone through something similar. It's nice to know I/my family is not alone.
Thank you for reminding me that no one is perfect, we all have our struggles, and even though who you think are "invincible" to struggle, are not.
You are not alone. We too have dealt with the same kind of abuse and watched our family unravel because of it. We are here to listen, help heal and wrap arms around all those who have experienced this or lived through it.
this is the third blog in as many days to "convict" me... posts that say, "no more will i live in silence." you all want to tell your story, to put it out there. it's so brave.
i have felt the Lord pulling me to tell my story as well, but putting it out there for the world to see is such a scary thought. i have posted on support sites to other women facing the same troubles, but it's not the same. not everyone will understand where i come from. in fact, most won't. but, inevitably, at least one will. and she will feel validated in knowing that she's not alone...
i don't want to sound condescending, but i'm proud of you. because i know what it takes to become so vulnerable, so exposed. i don't know if i can just yet. i sort of feel like if i start typing those words, it will come rushing out and my "lovely little life" will come crashing down around me...
i guess i need some prayers. i will pray for you as well, and will be reading your story. i will take care of your words.
i, too, look up to you. i get strength from your blog. i just know that great things will come from sharing your story.
hugs to you.
I think you are so brave and strong to share your story. I am certain you will be able to help others. I think showing our weakness and our struggles just shows other people that we are human. We all make mistakes, we all have low points in our lives.
I will praying for you and I commend you for being so brave, open and honest.
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