It was another cold day yesterday, freezing in fact. I have nothing against snow and cold but sometimes temperatures reach the point that they freeze nostril hairs when you walk outside.
Well this was one of those kind of days, and today I am sick...again. I think the more kids you have times the more stress you have equals the amount of sick you have and well, we've got it. And do you know what? I still drive with my shoes off all the time, yes in 11 degree weather I drive with my shoes off.
This may not be so bad other than I like to flirt with the chance off running out of gas ALL the time. I can't help it. It keeps the spice in my life and that sort of thing. Spice used to be before I was married and dated, that was spicy. Now being married for almost in a few weeks 15 years, well spice takes work. Important work, but anyway running out of gas is spicy....exciting.
I haven't actually run out of gas for at least 5-8 years, but hubster seems to think I do it all the time even though he hasn't actually had to show up with a gas can for a very long time.
Yesterday was long and rough so I believe I am taking a break today from the really hard stuff and want to just write as my brain thinks which is pretty all over the place.
After I poured my soul out on my blog yesterday I drug myself out of bed with the kids jumping all over me, and huffed both kids on my hips to the car. Let me back up....
*Two nights ago hubsman offered to get me gas AT 12 AM in the morning* I had warned him I was out of gas.* but I didn't want him to leave. I actually begged him not to leave because when he leaves my bed late at night, it is a trigger for me. (it's weird actually talking about this stuff). It is a trigger because once upon a time his doctor prescribed him Ambien which is the king of crazy drugs in my opinion, and I would find him doing random weird things all over the house all night. I would wake up to find him drilling stuff in the kitchen wall at 3:30 am. and I would freak out. Eventually he asked to get off the stuff because it was not helping matters *more on that later*.
That is neither here nor there and hasn't happened for at least a decade but it is still a trigger. A trigger like paperwork is for me when we lost our business, a trigger like the doorbell and phone are for me from the bill collectors....a trigger.
He was sweet and complied and lay in bed with me snuggling until I fell asleep in his arms. This always gives me good dreams, NO the gas wasn't worth it.
Come to think of it, I have been waiting for some really amazingly fantastic boots to come in the mail that I ordered, and just as I type realize that I dreamed of them. Blasted good imagination and designing taste in my sleep. I have come up with unbelievable things in my dreams and then have to wake to realize I am crazy and they were never really there. (you should have seen the decor in my house a few nights ago)
Is there a way to record dreams and watch them in the wake?
He didn't go and I loved him for that, and then I slept like a baby and had a hard day yesterday. Back to when I hefted my kids into the car *without shoes on* and ....
shoot...I have to also say that the day before, the day hubgasman offered to get me gas, I actually stopped at the gas station without shoes on because I was almost out and a man, guy, dude yelled, "Hey there little lady, where are your shoes in this weather?!" and I said my kids wouldn't but their shoes on and I didn't know why *sarcastically* and he laughed and I was humiliated because then noo noo gave me the talk "MOM, WHO WAS THAT?" I guess she picked up on the flirtation in the mans voice. "I don't know, just a guy"
She gave me THE look and we drove off. I put in TWENTY dollars in gas.
Guess that didn't make a difference yesterday because after I put the kids in the car, I picked up a kid from one school, and to another city to pick up the others and was on my way back to drop off one at dance and 2 more at soccer but right when I got off the freeway THANK GOODNESS my car just stopped.
It didn't sputter or warn in any sense of the word. It just stopped as if to say, "YOU have pushed me to the edge time and time again and I refuse to go one more foot." Stinking stubborn car. I am quite sure it could run on fumes longer than it did yesterday.
so I had to do it. I called hubsgasrunner and said, "hey there honey, I'm outa gas" *he had just called 5 minutes before to tell me to meet him at the gas station.
"ahhh....where are you?!'
And all the while "Had a bad day" was playing on the radio.
Noo Noo looked at me and said "NOW WHAT" This is the prepared kid that ALWAYS gets mad when I am low on gas. "ARE WE OUT OF GAS?!"
"well, yes we are"
"what should I DO?"
"Walk to dance, it is a block away and I can see the front door from here"
and she jumped out and ran, ran like the wind, ran like a horse after a carrot kind of fast and I was proud that I borned that girl and that I motivated her to practice her talents.
And then hubster showed up with the gas can and didn't yell. He gave me a kiss and held it in, thank goodness because I had a hard day and I was waiting to pounce like a tiger in the bush.
And then I turned up the radio and heard the love song from Titanic playing and I thought hubman was my Jack.
Thanks Jack, I will never let go.