Are you ready for this one?? This is one of my all time favorite stories that only my closest friends know. I guess it has been long enough now that I can actually laugh at it enough to share it with everyone :)
Back when Jon and I were first married we were working through the normal things newly weds do in the first lets say... 7 years of marriage. I think it takes a while to set personal boundaries, the things that drive us crazy and would do us in if we really had to deal with it for eternity. Jon and I had a crazy start to the whole marriage thing anyway. I will post that later when I get up the energy to write it all down! Needless to say...this was my favorite fight :)
One day my friend Jaymi was sitting on my couch. She dropped her ring down in the couch. So far that we had to basically disassemble the whole thing to get it out. We took off the cushions and that didn't work. We then moved to shoving our arms clear down inside and fishing around for it. Eventually she pulled out her ring...and along with it came a handful of dust bunnies and random stuff that had piled up over the years. I wasn't even the first one to have the couch, so as you can imagine the collection was exciting.
Jon looked over as she pulled out her hand, and about died. He was so embarrassed that we would have dust in the couch (and a random sock and toy ) as I remember. He ran to get the vacuum so it could be cleaned out immediately. My mother in law is very particular when it comes to ANYTHING to do with cleaning. She reads cleaning magazines, files papers daily, organizes her spices..you get my point. Jon was raised this way. I would have to say I am more random. I am always cleaning up and straitening things but if I have the option to file paperwork or go hiking..or anything else for that matter I will take choices b,c,d,e, etc. I juggle cleaning and kids daily. ANYWAY, I was laughing at him for being so freaked out, and a little annoyed that I failed so miserably in his eyes. He eventually left for work.
Later that night Jon came home with a combo meal from Mc Donalds, which is the most nasty place to eat in my opinion. I could smell the big macs from across the house. The smell makes me sick. (Once I had a tube in a chicken nugget from Mc Donalds once when I was little and I haven't eaten there since other than salads.) He sat down in front of the T.V. while he ate. I walked in and he was basically falling asleep in his food because he was so tired. He was dropping that pink nasty smelly sauce and I couldn't help but tease him for the mess he was making after the days events. I said, "Oh no! You are getting sauce on our table, NOW what are the neighbors going to think?" He didn't like my taunting very much I guess because he took his 24 ounce glass of water and threw it at me!!! I was so shocked I started laughing and said," NOW WHAT ARE OUR FRIENDS GOING TO SAY when they walk in and see water marks dripping down the wall by the FRONT door???" I don't think he liked this much either because he proceeded to THROW his big mac at me! I dodged and it hit the wall beside me. I had two choices at this point. I could either let it drop and go to bed OR I could continue down the path we were on. Well, I am not one to raise the white flag in a situation like this so I picked up the greasy, smelly, condiment-less, tasteless hamburger and threw it as hard and fast as I could. It flung apart in the air like a bad airplane and hit the piano and splattered up the wall. Now Jon isn't FAST most of the time, BUT today he was fast. He unwrapped his other Big Mac as he was getting up. I am naturally fast. I walk fast, I run, I hike etc. but NOTHING unleashes fear in me like Jon when he moves FAST. (I once saw him jump an 8 foot wooden fence in a single bound when our hunting dog was about to eat our kids new Easter rabbit!) I turned and ran the only way I could in our small house, up the stairs. I skipped 2 steps at a time which obviously wasn't enough as I glanced back and saw Jon skipping 3! I bolted into my room, slammed the door and ran into our bathroom. Jon DIDN'T EVEN CHECK TO SEE THAT THE BEDROOM DOOR WASN'T LOCKED! He just plowed through it and popped the whole door off the frame...because the frame was smashed also! He ran into the bathroom and all I could do was turn and stare at him daring him with my eyes. Well, the dare worked. He through the last hamburger at me. All I said was, "I didn't even lock the bedroom door." (I didn't have time :)) He just grunted and walked away.
The next sound I heard was the doorbell. "DING DONG". People have the worst timing I thought. I couldn't believe my ears when Jon answered the door. It was Jon's mom and Grandma Ginny. I peeked around the corner from the top of the stairs. Patti and Grandma Ginny took one step in and looked around. I am positive they smelled the nasty pink sauce because Patti's nose curled. It may have been because they were seeing the water drips on the wall and the lettuce on the piano. It also could have been Jon's look on his face. The look of foreboding. I walked down in front of them all and said, "Jon, you threw the Big Mac, I AM NOT cleaning this up, and I am not coming back until it is." Jon's mom and Grandma being the nice motherly type, started cleaning up the mess. I left. Years later when we were moving out of that house I found a piece of lettuce still stuck behind the piano on the wall.
The moral to this story is:
Don't eat Big Mac's, they are nasty.
Don't boss each other around, it doesn't get you anywhere.
Run fast if you take on Jon.
Marriage gets easier as time goes on. You get used to each others crap :)
We solved the vacuumed couch problem by hiring a housekeeper that helps me a few times a week. I love her like a sister. Her name is Maria.