Poop, Markers, and Peanut Butter

The other day I was in the bath, oblivious to the fun Halle was having in the next room.  What is it about a bath that I automatically feel like I am taking too long?  Probably the fact that enjoying it with a two year old around is near impossible.

I dried off feeling relaxed and calmed by the warm water.  I called her name knowing she could hear me being a few feet away watching t.v. in my room.  When she didn't answer my mind started to race wondering what she had decided to spend her ten free minutes alone doing.

  Sure enough, she had locked herself in Kinley's room with Phylis.  

Phylis is a great dog.  She has been there through thick and thin.  She has seen me at my best and at my worst, yes, "Man's best friend" is a true statement. When I am upset, she just looks at me and walks out of the room.  I don't even have to be raising my voice, she just knows.

As I cracked open the door, a SMELL permeated the hallway and almost made me barf!! Phylis had ripped apart Halle's POOPY diaper to shreds and Halle had drawn all over herself with a black permanent marker! 

It was defiantly a two for one.  I think they figured if they both did it at the same time, the anger would be distributed between them resulting in a lesser punishment.

I usually love the smell of black permanent markers.  I have been known to "color" with my kids just to justify smelling them, but permanent markers mixed with the stench of poop it messes it up.  

They both looked so guilty, they knew mom wasn't well balanced as I gazed speechless into the room.  

Having gone through so many other kids I just yelled...AHHHH and then laughed.  "Off to the bath!" with Halle, and "OUTSIDE!" for Phylis!  About two days before that Halle found the hidden markers again and colored all the way up the stair walls.  The height she attained was amazing for her tiny little body. MARKERS!

As I was giving her a bath I started having flashbacks of the time I was pregnant with Halle and Ella was about two. 

 I had been in the kitchen and smelled peanut butter really strong.  *Peanut butter is a pretty strong aroma normally, but when you are pregnant it is almost overwhelming.*

"Why am I smelling peanut butter coming anywhere BUT from the kitchen I pondered?"

  Phylis and Ella came walking in from my music room.  They both looked very guilty, even Phylis.  Phylis is old enough to know when she is on my bad list!  

They both had peanut butter ALL OVER themselves.  

Phylis's hair, Ella's hair..totally covered.  Have you ever tried to get gum out of your hair with peanut butter?  It works, but it is almost worth cutting it out because it is so gross!

I was scared to check the music room, but had no other choice.  I wobbled my 8 months prego body into the room and gasped! 

My whole *NEW, FRESHLY PAID OFF, BABY GRAND* piano was COVERED with peanut butter as if it had been spread like a birthday cake.  

(She had even used a butter knife.)

Ella showed real promise as a chef for her age.  I slowly squatted down laboring from *ALL* the extra weight my frame was carrying. I laid on my back and scooted myself inch by inch to the back of the piano to start cleaning it off.  I had no idea what peanut butter would do to my beautiful baby grand but I didn't want to find out. 

 It was at least a half an inch thick in most places!  

I worked at cleaning it for about an hour.  AN HOUR! It still wasn't even all finished but my legs were going numb.  I tried to move out from underneath the piano and COULD NOT!  I was stuck like a beached whale on the shore, like Pooh Bear in the hole, like a ring when your fingers swollen, like a turtle on it's back. 

Stuck.

I rocked from side to side to try and create movement, but I couldn't.  Surely momentum would help hoist me if I rocked fast enough!  The under side of the piano was just short enough to hinder my attempt to sit up. I felt as though in a coffin, claustrophobia started to set in!

Meanwhile Ella was eating the sticky treat with her fingers and watching me with big eyes, no doubt wondering what game I wanted to play.  By this time I was getting really hungry.  Now I don't know if you have been pregnant, but if you have you understand the uncontrollable urge to eat NO MATTER when or where you are and when your body tells you to.

 *Let's just put this out there* 

The peanut butter started smelling PRETTY DANG GOOD! I scoffed at the urge I had to taste the smell spread in front of my face...but not for long.  I relented and started eating the peanut butter with Ella.  What was the point of resisting? I couldn't move anyway and I had no idea when I would be able to!

We were both laughing and enjoying ourselves licking the stick goo off our fingers.Magically the little treat gave me enough energy to slide out and even stand up.

  Thank goodness for small miracles, tender mercies, I count them all!