Help Me Grow (Utah)

Utah State Capital

I have been on a mad dash the past few days. The "Help Me Grow" Utah team, have been hard at work. When today ends, we will have completed a long list of goals, such as:

Take the "Help Me Grow" national team (Dr.Paul Dworkin, Elsa, and Johanna) to tour the L.D.S. Humanitarian building.

Take them to a reception at "The Alta Club", hosted by "Voices for Utah's Children". In attendance were many amazing people, including Utah's first lady (Herbert).

Have Dr. Dworkin speak at IHC's "Grand Rounds" to many physicians about "Help Me Grow" to educate them about our system and our goals to go state wide with their endorsement and help.

Let them tour "United Way" of Utah County, to see our data base of community resources for help me grow and the "211" info line for parents to call in to.

Meet at the Utah State capital with Speaker of the House, Becky Lockhart to educate her about our endeavors to go state wide, and afterward meet with Salt Lake Cities United Way to try and get them to team up with us.

Meet with the "Partners for Infants and Children" at the Health Department to join forces with all children's non-profit groups.

take the "Help Me Grow" national team to a family event that the local team put on at the "Kids Who Count" facility in Salem, Utah.

Somehow fit in two very amazing dinners at "the chef's table" in Provo, and at the restaurant at "Hotel Monaco".

AND TODAY...

Hosting a networking breakfast at "Scenic view", and a networking lunch at "The Blue Lemon" for "Woman in Philanthropy" with the "Help Me Grow" national team.

Host a dinner at La Jolla Groves" for a wrap up event of their stay and to say good bye.

My kids have been so patient and helpful as Jon and I, and Barbara push full steam ahead to try and link as many families, physicians, and community resources as possible through "Help Me Grow" Utah.

AND THEN PARTY with my sister for her Birthday tonight in Salt Lake.  She is renting a hotel for many friends to come celebrate!

So far, it has been a raging success!!! If you want any info about "Help Me Grow" in your area, let me know!! Also, if you have been wondering why I haven't been answering my phone...I have been a tad busy :)  Have a great weekend!

*OH, and I forgot to let you know that IF all go as planned, Jon and I will be partying with Kirstie Alley, Heidi, her husband, and Fox tomorrow at the Sundance Film Festival.  I'll let you know!

Presidential Perfect

I woke up this morning to find the funniest diorama I've seen yet! My kids crack me up.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Diagnostic Testing?!

Why do I feel so scared?  Why do I feel like I have always known something was wrong?  Why do I feel like I would have to record my journey somehow, like it will help people?  Am I crazy?

"Hello?"
"Hi, it's Dr. Staheli's office."
"Hi."

I had been waiting for the results and had called the office twice already wondering what they were.
She paused for a minute, and then said.

"The doctor took a look at the pictures and there are some area's of questioning, so he want to you into an ultrasound and some diagnostic testing."

"ok"

What else do I say?
"Thanks..., bye."

I hung up and called Jon.  He kept a level head, but I could tell he was worried.  I kept it short so I didn't break down on the phone while he was in a meeting.  Then Tiff called, and I lost it.  I was sobbing.  I don't even remember quite what I said to her.

So here I am.  I run to my blog, because that is where I have recorded so many of my thoughts over the past few years.  It seems easier somehow, writing it down and not talking to a real person.  Are you real?  Are people that read my blog real?  Somehow you aren't.

whitney just walked in and asked why I am tearing up.
"because I just found out my friend's daughter has cancer." I said, after multiple attempts to say "nothing" is wrong.  My statement was true, but only part of the whole.

I am never alone with my thoughts.  It's hard to write anything too meaningful when I am interrupted at every turn.  Someday, I will have a chance to write.

or will i?

Then I notice whitney is talking to me.  What is she saying?  I can't hear her, but I see her movement somehow in front of me.  What would I do if I got cancer?  How would I be a strong mom?  How would jon survive?  Would he?

"Mom, MOM are you listening to me?  Can you help  me??"
"what?"

We took the family to the movie, "We bought a Zoo" a few days ago and I cried almost the whole movie.  Jon teared up, but held it together more than I did.  I could never leave my daughters.  I wouldn't.  The thought of watching them grow from another realm is unacceptable.

Why am I typing this now?  It almost makes it worse to think about it too much.  I guess I have to write it somewhere.

and then I look up this to see what diagnostic testing is:

Diagnostic tests: Diagnostic tests (such as biopsy) are given to people who are suspected of having breast cancer, either because of symptoms they may be experiencing or a screening test result. These tests are used to determine whether or not breast cancer is present and, if so, whether or not it has traveled outside the breast. Diagnostic tests also are used to gather more information about the cancer to guide decisions about treatment.

That sure didn't help.  They have to know that I am freaking out.  AND it seems almost to perfectly scary that I named my running group "Team Pink" just a few days ago.  Isn't this the cancer color.  Yes, i am sure it is. Never, I repeat NEVER read on the Internet about symptoms.  It has done nothing but mess me up in the mind this past year.

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These were my harsh thoughts last week when I was faced with the possibility of breast cancer.  I didn't tell hardly anyone what I was facing, because I don't like it when people worry about me.  The people that happened to run into my space that day, and could tell something was up with me...heard.  My sister in law Tiffany, and a few people that I saw the day I was waiting for the test results.

My Parents, My sister...my kids.... I didn't tell people that I knew would be just as freaked out as I was.  How can I comfort them when I can't even control myself?  I am always a protector.  For good, for bad, an eternal guardian.  Sometimes to my detriment.  The hardest times in my life were endured alone.  Jon and I facing the world together, yet alone. 

Luckily after many tests ran on Friday, I found out I am cancer free.  :)

Why did I freak out so bad?  Probably because neighbors on both sides of me lost a spouse, we just found out our friends daughter has cancer, my neighbor across the street battled cancer.  I hear about it all the time.

Why not me?

The tests showed that I only had a cyst, but nothing I have to get surgically removed unless it grows and causes pain.  Right now it is only a few millimeters.  My heart goes out to the mommies that are sick, I mean really sick.  How do they lead their small children every day knowing that they may not be there in a few months or years?

I can't think of anything worse.

I had something removed once before when I was 19.  They ran tests, and it all checked out okay..but I am just a little more cautious now when it comes to cancer.

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So we move on to a new week.

My mirena continues to drive me crazy.  I feel like I am crazy.  I had the depro vera shot once, and it kind of felt the same way as this.  Soon all of my testing of my hormones will be done, and I can get it out.  I don't know what is worse..?  Bleeding to death or out of control unnatural hormones raging inside of me.  I have high hopes for my new Doctor Jones.

The remainder of this week, I will be helping Barbara Leavitt with "Help Me Grow".  Dr. Dworkin
(the one that developed the system to connect children with community resources) is flying into town tomorrow.  We are scheduled to spend Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, showing him around Salt Lake City.  We are visiting the hospital so he can speak to the IHC doctors, meeting the speaker of the house at the state capital, meeting with the first lady about the program, touring the United Way in Utah county, taking him to dinner, and touring other facilities that we thought he would be interested in seeing. 

It will be interesting and busy.  Too bad Barbara tore something in her knee yesterday.  She let me know last night that I may be the one presenting Dr. Dworkin and his colleges at the meetings he will speaking at.  I am pretty comfortable in front of people, but this seems a bit over my head.  Hopefully Jon will be able to get Barbara to everything in her wheel chair, so she can proceed with the plan that has been set in place for over a year!  Otherwise, I will do my best. ...lol....

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Are you exercising?  Are you running?  I am doing my best.  I wish my best was better right now, but it is what it is.  I feel so tired, and it makes sense now that I know my thyroid isn't working right.  Tired and my life, just don't go well together.  I want to be an example of energy, enthusiasm, and service to my children.

I guess what Handsome's Nana wrote me in an email is true. "You my dear may feel week, but please know that feeling week is a way of saying that you are also strong. I think that if you never have the feeling of week then you have never taken charge of being strong"

Thanks Nana for your words.
So I am off to work on feeling strong again.  My chin is up, I'm headed for my running clothes and I'm going to get my miles put in for the day!

Keep on Keeping on!

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Stay tune for pictures of Christmas!  Yes, I still plan on posting them, just a bit behind.  Hopefully by this weekend I can get r' done!

Just A Beaver

SO
I was thinking...

It would be so fun to have a list on the right side of my blog, of all the people "In Training" for a 5K!  We can have a Team: Pink Moss ALL over the world!  I think if you are interested, comment on this blog post with

1. Your Name
2. Where you Live
3. What race you are training for, and what distance.
4. Your age
5. A link to your Blog, if you have one that you want me to link to.  All people that have a blog, If you want to write a blog post about team Pink, than send me the link and I will have a special page just for YOU!! Anyone that reads your blog post and wants to join, send them over to Team Pink Page and I'll link to them!  I think it would be so fun to make shirts that we all wear on our race days, and I would love to send of gifts to ladies in training that write about their journey and share it on their blog and or mine!

Also, I haven't asked my brother's permission, but I think it would be so fun to raise money for his son Carter.  He was accepted by "Make A Wish" to visit Disney World in February!  I will figure out how to put it online.  He has had several open heart surgeries, and the medical expenses are through the roof.  How fun would it be to pull together and see what donations we could collect for Carter, as we train for the "Team Pink Race" !?

I know I am rambling here....but hang in there.

First off, let me know if you are in!! If you want to train for a 5K (walk or run), let me know.  If you are going for the full Marathon... well then let me know, so we can all bow down and worship.  I am getting excited just thinking about it!!  Oh, and if you are a local Utahn, we can all train for the same race if you want!  How fun would that be, to all meet each other?!  Maybe that would be really weird, but at least it would take my mind off dying in the race!

My brother even said he would join "Team Pink" and EVEN wear a shirt.  I wonder if he would rethink it if this were our logo:

I think he might run the opposite direction!  It will probably look more like this:

And THAT is the scary thing about the internet.  I have NO idea who these people are, but they look like some people I would love to have on our team!

********************************

A few months back, Jon brought me home a shirt and a hat from a road trip he went on. 

It looked like this:

"Jon, why did you get me that shirt?"

"Because, I thought you would like it." with a smirk on his face.

"WHY would I wear that?"

"Well, because I thought you would think it was funny."

"hmmmm. ok...? You are so weird"

The has sat in my closet now for over a month.  It wasn't until last week that I was listening to my Christmas music and Jon piped up and said...

"Why haven't you ever worn that "I Love Beaver shirt?  

You listen to his music ALL the time!"

"That's BEIBER honey.  NOT BEAVER."

Who is the real blonde here anyway?!

Team Pink: Day 9

ok ok,
So I've learned over the past several days that I am not only a social eater, but I have also become an emotional eater.  I think this is one of the ways I have copped with the stress of the past year.  I have been pretty stressed out waiting for my doctor's visits, and most of my personal control has gone out the window.

 I finally made it to the Doctor's office yesterday.  Can I just try and tell you how much relief it brought me.  I have felt like I am crazy.  I have felt helpless, and hopeless.  It was so nice to meet a man that GOT it.  It's no wonder he is such a busy guy.  He was great at listening to my concerns, and could explain what was going on.

He had me fill out a packet of questions before I came to the office.  The first thing he addressed was the fact that I was on the Mirena.  Can I just say that after I heard him explain the side effects of the Mirena, I wanted to find the person that developed it and kill them?  Ok, I am being a little harsh.  I guess the hormone IUD, works well for about 35% of the people that try it.  It lessens their period, or stops it all together (which is the reason I tried it). But, for the remaining 65%, it causes on an average of 15-20 pounds of weight gain.  Hmmmm, go figure!! The reason this happens is because it stops your thyroid from working.  It slows it down to the point that you gain weight.  Combine this with the fact that depression makes you (me) want to eat more, and you are just messed up all together.  He said in Europe they think we are crazy for putting the Mirena in our bodies for that reason.  They use the copper IUD because there are no hormones.  Because there are no hormones in the IUD, nobody can patent in and make money.  BUT, in the Mirena they can.  People are making a killing on it. 

I wanted to run out of the office in that minute and get it removed, but I have to wait.

Second problem?  He says that my hormones were out of balance before I got the IUD, and that is why I was having such a long period.  Too low of Progesterone causes fibroids (that also cause bleeding).  Excessive bleeding causes anemia (which I have also dealt with).  When I told him I was at a "3" he said that was almost dead.  It's no wonder I have felt so tired.  Low iron causes exactly what I figured from my reading.  "Restless Leg Syndrome" which I have BAD, shortness of breath, fatigue...etc.
HERE is a link to a lot more side effects of Low Progesterone.  I encourage you to check it out!  I can't wait to get hep with more than one of these symptoms!

Estrogen levels are also something that needed to be looked at.  Here is some info on that.  I  will soon be headed to the dr. to get my blood tested, but first he wants me to also test my urine for acidity levels and he ordered me to "eat as many carbs as you can for three days, and then get your blood tested."

"what?!"

He is asking me to eat all the breads, pastas, and cereals I can eat?  When I heard that, I thought he was crazy until I realized that he was testing me for a wheat intolerance.  So, I am sure I will gain more weight before I drop it, because he won't let me get out the IUD yet either.  He is trying to find out all the levels before we start changing things.  I guess I need to look forward to the time that I start dropping.

I went to the gym today and got a heck of a work out.  But I feel frustrated knowing that my body won't be able to utilize it as it would have before.  He said that after I get my hormone levels evened out, I will not only drop the weight, but will be able to keep it off.  Well, enough of that today...I am off to eat as many carbs as I can...haha Doctor's orders!!

Oh, and here is a picture of me at the gym today. I had to get a spray tan, because I am pretty white in the winter time.

Source: beautifulday4running.tumblr.com via Janae on Pinterest

Oh, and he said that the TWO worst foods that are from the DEVIL that none of us should eat EVER are: (my two favorites)

FRENCH FRIES and SODA POP.  OK, of course I knew this, but I didn't realize how bad it was!  He said french fries are basically sugar dipped in oil.  (carbs=sugar) you know.  Also he said that something like 70% of kids only get potato's for veggies each week.  That is scary.  No wonder we are all fat and getting cancer.  I'll keep you updated, but in the mean time I'll be running tests.

When we were on the way to the Dr. yesterday, all the kids were in the car waiting for me because we were on our way up to my parent's house for my sister in law's birthday party.  They were starving,
(or so they said) so, and begged for chicken nuggets from Carl's Junior.

*Yes, I am telling this story RIGHT after I told you how bad children are getting fed*
 We pulled up to the microphone and I was distracted, thinking of the upcoming Dr. visit.

"Yes, Carl's Juniors, Can I help you?"
"Um yep, I was wondering how many nuggets you have?"
"Ummm in the combo meals?"

I heard him laugh in the microphone, and then I realized how bad it sounded. I tried to act cool, and didn't break.  He may interpret this in the wrong way, but that's not how I meant it.

"Um yes, in the combo meals."
"Well there is a 6 piece, a 9 piece, a 12 piece, and a 20 piece."
"Great, and what size is your package?"

oh crap....I couldn't hold it in any more.  I really didn't mean to sound so grotesque.  I also knew at this point that Kinley was trying to hold in a laugh and I couldn't restrain any more.  I turned to Kinley and said,

"I DIDN'T mean to say it THAT way!  I didn't!!"
and then she laughed, and I died laughing... and much to my dismay, Whitney and Brighton even had horrified looks on their precious little faces.

What do I say?
The hormone doctor did say that my memory is affected by out of whack hormones.  Does making an idiot out of myself count as well?